Day off

Apart from the bare minimum of work, I had absolutely nothing on today, business or pleasure. I've already been told how sinful that is, but as my old friend Mark said, if you can get away with it, why would you do anything else? I learnt from an expert (I also caught my interest in gold jewellery from the same person).

On the plus side, though I was prepared for anything around the house, there was hardly anything else to do besides mow the lawn (not today). So after nearly 10 years here, it was the first time I've had a day free and there was no urgent housework to be done. And once it's clear it's a lot easier to keep it like that rather than get it that way in the first place. I did read and clear 75% of my Hotmail though, from 4% to 1% full, which was very satisfying, so yet another online activity has taken over from the real version. No suggestions for the next one please.
I also spoke (OK, none of my comments were passed on) to Vanessa, the latest evictee from the BB house who was in a chatroom for an hour after the show. She said life in the house wasn't all it's cracked up to be, and pretty stressful, and I thought however I hated the idea of spending so long there myself (hence my refusal to audition) in comparison spending all day here is getting more or less the same. Apart from a quick walk to get some food, I had no reason to go anywhere else, so I didn't waste my time going anywhere for the sake of it.

Apart from the day here, I'd been writing in a few places online about the nature of heaven and hell this week, and then found Nick Roach had just written a piece on his website summarising more or less the same view I had, that it's all here now, with a bias to hell. He phrased it as God and the Devil, with a bias to the devil, which I'd say was almost telepathic. Is God the Devil?.
The only difference is he has personal experience of God which I don't, though it's impossible for anyone enlightened to prove it.

On that point, there are many clues to the existence of what I'd interpret as God. These would mainly come under sexual and meditation experiences. The sex would be what I'd see as a bridge between the physical and spiritual worlds, and meditation can show us states of consciousness comparable with something of a divine nature. I have of course personally experienced both of these, and would say the similar force I felt with both would be a connection with that that religions would call God, and is definitely not a 'person' in the way we'd define it, though any force responsible for a design would have to have a consciousness as well as an energy. The platonic person I mentioned asked if I believe in God, and I told her what I said here, and thought that sex with her may almost prove to me God exists for sure as she is one of the best I've seen. So many women leave you missing something when you do it, knowing it should be better, and she's one where this wouldn't happen. And I've been in touch with this awareness all my life, for whatever reason I can't say as it was there as long as I can remember. So 45 years of refinement have allowed me to spot women with this quality very easily now, but whichever aspect of God Nick Roach calls the devil has decided to turn these very women against an interest in me unless something else stops it being fulfilled. The ultimate level of attitude is to not care about having anything or not, but enjoying it if you do get it. It's called non-attachment, and based in Buddhism. It's also behind Star Trek's Vulcans, and they spent generations learning how to reach these levels, though Gene Roddenberry has apparently taken it too far as they appear not even to enjoy anything either.

Meanwhile, I aim to follow the same Buddhist and subsequent teachings as feeling bad unless you have whatever it is you don't is not a useful way to be, and however against my human nature it is it's worth following as the goal is such an improvement on the existing state. All I do is watch the emotions I so dislike and am taught this will reduce their energy (as I'm consciously separating myself from them) until they finally grow weaker and may eventually die as they did with Nick. So basically it won't get me a girlfriend, but it can stop me giving a shit, and that's something.