Thursday, November 02, 2006

London revisited

Yes, I've got no one to talk to and also missed a rare guest on parallel universes on the radio for an hour. So I'm back here after what I would call a day off. Days off feel twice as important when you're meant to be working, and as I was (twice) and didn't I noticed the difference in contrast. I fixed my other blog by downloading Firefox so at least I can do something again, and when I tried IE7 it refused to install it. But I'll carry on as I am and see if anything new happens. One day I'll overlap so much imagination with my blog here as by wishing for things to happen it could feel like it had really happened even though it hadn't. It's a recognised part of magic, not original. It's supposed to attact it in but in my experience if you're waiting for anything it's only when you forget about it it stands a chance of happening.

So I emailed the Spaniard again (last time) yesterday and as with all 5 women heard sod all. A pattern has formed like a crop circle here, I do the work and get nothing in return. And the fact you want something more always seems to stop it happening as well. I have sussed the resistance formula as resisting feelings causes tension which holds them. That is physics not metaphysics and makes sense. It says in a book if your muscles are relaxed nothing can bother you. I see that as an exagerration, I recognise you can reach points where little can but not sure why. If I could find a way to extend them until they become normal the Indians would call me a saint (they value more useful qualities than the Christians), and as I know such states do exist it's something to try for. I detailed this week's two latest coincidences, and though there is no use of any of them they keep happening.
Possibly by being forced to talk (inwardly) to myself I can work out one by one each area of life until I may have more than most. And unlike some academics they are not theories that I like, they are discoveries of what is already there. They work for people. They rarely help me but save me getting my ideas wrong of what works and what doesn't, but I keep finding new traps each one I kill. Endless?

Meanwhile I saw a picture of a 4 bedroom house in Golders Green which I will visit outside sometime and see if the run down road is as bad as I expect or actually habitable, as I'm sure the house itself is fine. My best friend left the area in 2002, not for round the corner but Florida, and that was the last connection I had with it. So only by living there myself could I solve that gap. Jews return to Israel, London Jews return to Golders Green. It's like coming home after living abroad for 14 years. Of course over a lifetime I've had bad experiences there as well but it's like my family in extended version. I used to see the rough parts (some still are, but far enough west to avoid) but now see the people, memories and nice bits that separate it from similar suburbs like Kenton, Wembley or Finchley. They are typical but dead. They may as well be abroad for all I care about them, and besides Church End most of Finchley Central is a dump. Wembley and Kenton are bland and featureless. The relatively newly discovered Preston Road, the only main shopping centre nowhere near a town, is the best bit, but after years of visits has lost its charm somewhat. Londoners will know exactly what I mean, but others can get a view of it (which they can then do image searches for) and see exactly what I mean. And many of the photos are mine, though Flickr images are somehow excluded from search engines. Except Flickr of course.

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