Monday, February 19, 2007

Personal summary

Before I start why the hell have blogger stopped linking our profile interests? I only found the linked blogs (which 2 people have just pulled, thanks guys...) and now we have these fucking pointless keywords which only link to topics in our own blogs, and I write the same damn topics every time so are redundant anyway.

Otherwise little has happened, happening or changed. I'm here blogging now simply as there's nothing else to do, I did buy some more charcoal blocks for my incense and 2 from 4 brake blocks as they only had the long ones for the front wheel which so far won't come off anyway. This is what I'm driven to writing about. More bleeding accounts tomorrow (error and company checks, wow...) then a very rare free client who wormed his way into a free sample. Then once I'm free I expect to go to Swiss Cottage just to get 2 more station photos (again, look what banality I'm reduced to) and anything else I find along the route. I have found a number of nice roads in Temple Fortune now and decided it's better to move somewhere better than not at all even though it's not perfect. At least my plans are now fixed should the money arrive. Hillcrest Gardens is between other roads and I may never have even stopped to look until last week.

I was also given a lecture on how easy it is to go out and make new friends. At least it reminded me how few people qualify as friends for me and clearly not everyone has to have someone so exactly right. I've been around and the only people I meet who qualify are generally abroad on the internet nowadays. Hard luck for me as the others are my clients I'm not allowed to mix with socially. I knew from a few years old if someone was right as a friend and if not nothing could make it more than a casual rare visit. The others I could spend weeks with and it was a line which was very clearly drawn. My mum asked me and I think the last new proper friend I made was in 1981. Honestly! I did meet someone in 1994 or so as well but was more hard work so only made the margins. And these aren't women, just friends. I didn't need new ones as I kept the old ones. At least when the last one left the country in 2002 I met a girlfriend for a while who ended up incarcerated by the NHS soon after we met so that never reached its conclusion had her health been OK. Then I was on my own, literally.

Now I have my routine and see family instead of friends, who are all alone now like me. I go out, usually on my own (mind you during the day everyone else was working) and sadly hardly ever visit outside the family as nobody really asks me. I still believe things usually change naturally and I pick up friends by chance rather than effort. And I only need one at a time so not such a huge demand really. As I've said before my personal qualities tend to go to extremes, either very good or very poor. My social skills are apparently slightly better than a 7 year old, more like someone with mild autism who's been to classes. My understanding seems to outstretch most, no credit to me, and like in the gym physically I can either do a lot on some exercises or the minimum on others. Even my arms and legs can pull or push the maximum on a few machines and hardly anything on others depending which muscles are used. As someone said, we are all designed differently and this is my blueprint, what I am and not to be tinkered with by critics who want me to be either like them or not like them, depending if they see in me thier own faults or ones they despise. But I'll remind everyone now, my faults harm me and not others, so leave them be. The worst I'll do is not join in an arrangement from agoraphobia, my loss. But I help whenever and whoever I can and know my heart is in the right place

Besides that past Tuesday is currently clear. Swiss Cottage, then I'll have to wait and see. Last week collected a lot, work and then 3 lots of photos, plus at least a provisional decision on moving in the future. Little more past present or future, yet.

2 comments:

Tashi said...

"But I help whenever and whoever I can and know my heart is in the right place."

Neat. Me too.

David said...

Thanks Tashi, and I discovered from this entry the links must have been down around a year in which time I lost 80% of my traffic (and presumably everyone else did).

I hope most people are the same as we are and we just hear more about the few who aren't. They tend to make the most noise, especially on sites that allow comments, especially Youtube.