Saturday, October 03, 2009


One of the busiest weeks for years. When you had chronic fatigue for 2 years being able to spend an evening in the pub is like climbing Everest would be for most people, so I am pleased I have managed it. It has been a complete spread of best and worst, with finding another well-hidden road sign, taking out a woman who's rejected me all but once over 14 years but went back for more, and had my car possibly wrecked by a hit and run.

My task now is to understand how the worst fits with the best, as with a spiritual view it's all part of the whole. It can't be guided for a few days and then stop, it has to either be all or nothing and I can't dismiss the guidance that's already imposed itself until I couldn't pretend it wasn't real. I have to look for the meaning in the bad, and step one is to see what it stopped me doing instead. I will see.
I'd also described how I'd tested a few people who let me down to see if they were usually like that or just strayed, and sadly they all failed my test. When a person turns bad you wonder if they were always like that and you were wrong or vice versa. Unfortunately these showed they were even worse than that and are now well fucked off. In power I always try and retrieve souls and they kill their competition. When lions kill the cubs fathered than others it makes me think many humans are really no better, they keep within the law and just do it technically. Not dead but may as well be. They won't learn from me and possibly at all, but development is about taking each wrinkle and ironing it out until they are all gone. Buddhism does this the best, but don't need to be one to use the teaching as I have.

My own evolution is growing as I have my assigned role now I am happy with, and when you can defend your position from doubters you affirm it is correct. I wanted to teach but as on the personal search for enlightenment didn't think anyone who isn't enlightened had the right to, but then I realised there is a lot more to teach to many more people who do need it. If I see one thorough sod who reforms thanks to my words that alone will grant me sainthood. Winning a figurative soul from the devil is the parable of the lost sheep, as every single one matters. The ones I just described are over the cliff though so out of my reach. I'd love to save more but know it's one of the hardest things on earth to claim an unwilling soul, the willing ones are over the line already when they ask for help.

Luckily vulgarity and humour are no stranger to teaching, humour is probably the highest energy below sex, and swearing is a way to get attention when used sparingly. It was not invented to be abolished like a disease, but you can have too much of everything when overused. And there are situations where anything less than a fucking bastard would be like calling AIDS a darn nuisance. Everything in its place. I was very pleased to see a dogshit story on Funtrivia as my sense of survival stopped me repeating the childhood stories post there. But shit is memorable and kids share a fascination with its occasional accidental release worldwide. Like motor racing accidents, no two are the same, so no two school stories about crapping in the classroom can ever become jaded as the varieties are infinite. Tony wiping it on the wall followed by Gary vainly attempting to deny the smell following him around for most of the day. Ten years later I saw him at a disco and it was 'Gary who shit in his pants'. Forty years later I saw him on Facebook, and wonder if he still remembers it as I still do. And yes, it happened to me as well so take as well as I give.

At least I continue to learn even if many I come across appear not to. Maybe the comfort of a wife and family does distract people from spiritual development as if everything's OK why think of more? That's the reason for monks and renunciates, but if you're on the path it won't then stop for anything that comes afterwards. If I was married I'd be talking about it even if she wasn't interested in it. I know plenty of couples like that. Thank goodness the internet now gives me the audience I'd never have had otherwise, even if the feedback seems to have dried up in the last few months. But I'm not embarrassed to state my role now as I am aware of it.

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