Tuesday, July 27, 2010

A summary of apparent chaos

I will open the box and leave this to chance tonight. Last week was work (it happens) and good thing too as I am someone who is affected by low interest rates. 4 more years of that, great, everyone who has saved one way or another and many who have retired and rely on that plus a lousy pension will suffer for four more years. And the people who borrow will be happy. Those are the priorities of a government who want votes as the sheep/masses borrow and the patricians/intellectuals in the great minority save, so sod them as they barely affect the results, let the scum be the benefactors, excuse my expression.

That said, it's work again this week (can I take it???) including the wonderful Jewish custom of the second funeral when the stone is revealed. It's a funeral service just like the proper one a year later, we all have to go back and do it again. I wish I could see these friends and relatives without the need for someone to die but that is where we see most of them and only a handful otherwise. Shopping tomorrow for the catering side and a bit of work the next day. There's a football fixture the second the work finishes, but somehow think with energy conservation in mind I won't manage it which is a great shame, ironically I missed a good few matches when my grandma was alive as towards the end she did object to me seeing her a different day and Tuesday was usually when they were on. Maybe that would be an appropriate way to see her off as it won't happen again.

So overall I'm hoping the next stage of my guidance, which is dropping all my attachments (ie caring about) the badness around me, is all actually leading somewhere useful. So far I have profited from it for my collection, and then back to life as before. I feel the same, I no longer react to many things now I've learnt I don't need to, but don't feel any different. It did motivate me to meditate more and aim for as often as possible now. The active one is for enlightenment and so far haven't seen anything result, the other is to feel good and when it works it can do. Ultimately the most important thing is to get me living in a family again, not my own as only my parents remain, but the closest to it. I've had one more offer but it's one which I'd probably not even notice her around, and couldn't even get a trial out of her to see how it went. At least I'm still able to get the odd woman interested though. Is it chaos or just a stage between either the old and the new or more of the same? At least there's no dentist involved on Thursday so not such a biggie really, and the rest is nothing special so will see.

From past experience I know all this is normal life and it was so much easier when I lived at home. It's like carrying the same shopping but with help. But that can't be the wrong person to share it with or they become the baggage as well. I could really do with some more guidance now.

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