Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Another day #2

As I'm here and free at a normal time rather than the usual 3am I thought I'd use the time to write here rather than when I am now intending to be in bed.

I have actually learnt a number of important things from my recent stress, and as long as my health, physical and mental, returns to at least close to how it can be I'll see them as useful lessons. But I still wonder whether people have to suffer forst before they'll learn. Like the plan has a big gap in it. If I survive the suffering it's something, but I still can't work out why it's there as a valid means to learn when in itself it can spoil much of the actual life that's learning from it. I remain in limbo on this one until I discover more. Nick Roach says the suffering is the 'old way' of gaining maximum emotional power, and I am certainly prepared to trade every emotion if that can go as well. But watching when you are suffering doesn't stop it usually, if it does it may take hours, though if the techniques work for people there's less to dissolve as you go along. Still strikes me as a strange system, suffering for experience. But as Harry Hill says, I don't make the rules...

At the moment I am fairly free, have plenty to do at my own pace (painting my front door, then all my window frames) as well as mounting my first two now complete pictures for displaying. I am literally so tired I can barely stand in a queue at the moment (always one of the most tiring things for me anyway), and as long as there's no nasty physical cause besides stress for the chronic tiredness I'll just have to regain my energy by conserving it, and if not, then have the usual tests, which I doubt will be necessary somehow. I've had it twice before and that's what it was then and it's pretty similar now with plenty of causes.

It's gone a bit quiet on the people front this week (after the last two very social ones) but there's not a lot I can do about it, people are busy and some live too far to come here very often and vice versa. Of course the inevitable lack of a girlfriend issue means this is always going to be similar, and that's been left to its own devices as whatever I do seems to make no difference.

And finally, Esther (who remembers that? I was meant to be on That's Life once but they never showed the bit they filmed when they came round), though the retarded style of comments are not included, I've hardly had any comments here for weeks. Certainly the profile searches have changed, putting up mainly members with no posts and missing out half the people who ought to be on it, so that doesn't help. I have had a couple of emails rather than comments, but some of the other blogs I read have been reaching double figures in some cases, though many have now shifted to mainly news related, which I 'don't do'. This is my diary, so my life. If an item in the news affects me, as some of the worst do ($80 oil, coming shortly, for instance) I'll tie it in that way, but our own lives and those around us are far more interesting than the repetitive, cynical and depressing cack that is forced on us all day every day by the media who would rather make money than actually tell the truth most of the time. Anyone involved with a newspaper story will tell you how little is actually accurate, they really don't care and just want something people will read.
My life is one view of the world out of billions, and I can't report anything excpet what's going on in it. If that's boring, then the whole concept of blogging has to be as well, as without making it all up I can only say what's actually happening, within limits I'd rather not have to use. So my last point is as long as it's not abusive, more comments are welcome, even if just to say hello. I haven't got a site meter here, so there's no guarantee anyone's even reading it (except to say thanks for my friends at JV who have been, and all help keep me sane).

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