Wednesday, September 13, 2006

What would Woody write?

Based on the Christian wristbands, what would Jesus do, but I was telling my stories my way before I realised Woody Allen had done the same before me as well. Just a bit of Askenazi heritage. I can't write a lot, I've been busy at home most of the day and little there to talk about. But with half an hour or so to spare and too late to go to the shops the blog is calling me. I have definitely seen a change the last few days, life seems to be returning gradually to more like normal, and as the cleaner refused to both answer her phone or check her messages I have no idea when I'll see her again after trying 3 times to cancel her visit yesterday as I wasn't here. Not speaking English means she'd need someone to translate, but I now realise what happens after 2 weeks when she doesn't come. Emptying rubbish is no fun, or all the other things I save for her which I'm having to do myself now.

Otherwise it's much as it was last night, besides discovering the interactive TV started at 3.25am so instead of going to bed had to try it for almost half an hour. Not clever to do but it was amazing. Only one service seems not up yet though they warned hardly any would everything now works. No games yet but I think that's about it besides the alternative camera shots or tennis games currently offered by the BBC and we used to get on cable. Of course the programmes are the same but a few are currently missing as well...
I do appear slightly isolated at the moment, if it wasn't for my occasional clients I wouldn't see anyone here all week. I realised what counts the most is having someone I like here, even sometimes, and that is the least possible area we have control over. So we really have to surrender to fate as we can chase people around the world but they won't come to us unless they choose to.

Can I find any sort of conclusion? Before my death that is, the only obvious one. I can't always write to entertain, each day reflects a different aspect of life here, and rather than wait till later which is one less thing to keep me up late. I have a little list of things to do next time I go out, partly depending on what I can get where, and missed today as working (which is preferable as so rare). I'd really like to be able to see what's going on behind the scenes, so I knew for instance if either of the women I'm after I stand a chance with and if I'll end up getting on TV again. But I'm certain nothing I've missed has been a punishment for lack of work, as many successful people didn't necessarily work for it, at least only partially. If not we are tempted to look for supernatural methods, which don't work either, and then total withdrawal through psychedelic experiences. The trouble is drugs are the quick route and meditation isn't, and though drugs aren't reliable and rot the body are only too available and tempting for those who want to experience beyond the ordinary and not rely on the world to provide experiences. Not for me. Good idea in theory, some are even legal, but the body pays for any experience and can damage it permanently, as they work chemically to destroy the mind in order to allow other things through. I am back on the slow path having investigated the other as many do, and didn't complete it, which can only be a good thing. But the 'other side' seems to promise so much for those of us with little on this side.

It's a standard route to get you here, but not for where you end up ultimately. There are new age theories about an advanced generation of people who don't fit in with the others, as it's almost like a new species. I am now meeting them one by one, each saying they feel special (as I did), and then actually being told so by others, proving it's not our ego or imagination but clearly a rough and uncontrolled power absent in most people. An understanding without a direction. And the ability to know things without any experimental proof, which creates a tough situation when you know you're right but can't prove why. Except for the few most people just assume you're bullshitting until they discover you were right (in a few exceptionally lucky cases). Our subconsious minds do more work and calculate behind the scenes until they pop the conclusion into our awareness. This is true inspiration and impossible to explain to those without understanding of it, though we all do it at least while dreaming. I won't start a philosophical essay here, but as I keep finding more members of the new class (whatever it is) it tells me each time I'm a little less of a misfit and mistake than I have been told by so many. They just don't get it and will simply be left behind.

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