Monday, January 11, 2010

Waiting like an orange

While I read the paper or sit at the computer (no photos in the snow, they all look the same) I keep finding more technical data contradicting global warming- the sunspot lows have caused the upper atmosphere to cool, Arctic ice grew in the last 2 years during each summer, and more and more. Now how all this can coexist with the simplistic formula that our CO2 has done the job of a) warming beyond the natural and b) that's actually a bad thing beats me as to the total stupidity of some people in the face of all evidence. Especially as the third item said the measurements of CO2 had been so flawed in fact they were reabsorbed as they were created. I despair at the sheer impenetrable ego of so many people after they have clearly lost. But each day swings a little more to the truth.

Besides two bookings the time ahead is free but unknown. More snow started falling after it started melting today, so tomorrow could go either way. I doubt any photos will be taken somehow though. My rule of not caring about the days ahead, and planning for the next day at most does leave gaps until the time comes, and besides the usual ups and downs the guidance has been at the lowest level for a while now. If it's still leading me to a media break, woman and another old warning sign I can't see it yet. If it's still snowy this week the coursework will continue, something has to motivate me to keep doing it however pointless and sometimes expensive.

Last year was the first one when good things started arriving on their own more than every few years, but the downside is you start expecting it. It's all unreliable and the only reliable one is the women who dumped or turned you down in the past will never change. It would be so easy just to hook up again but even the few who didn't dump me aren't available. At 50 will I settle for attractive, harmless and braindead? I will have to see. Not being able to have a sensible conversation with someone is no different from having the cat around and that just isn't enough. A dull woman and a cat? Just two cats really. And someone to help with the housework, but I have one already I pay. Cooking? I manage already. It could be easy to take half full/empty but will always know it.

So maybe there's a reason the future is blanked out so far. It doesn't mean nothing decent will happen, just I don't know about it. The default however is space and if it doesn't then at best it will be space. Again when the weather breaks just walking around with the camera will be a relief, whatever I take just like all the others I've done before. I do sometimes feel all the effort I've put in to writing, communicating and helping people I ought to get more back, having an article published every year or so in something a few hundred people read, some promised photos in a book I'll have to pay to see, and top level media interviews that get nowhere won't make me a career in anything. Thank goodness I am qualified and experienced to produce the goods, but so can thousands of other hopefuls. They work somewhere for nothing or shag the editor. Being a man I would not do that for anything, I don't want those memories for the rest of my life. Bribery can work but I doubt I'd make a profit and probably get someone immune who calls the police. I'm not bent and won't get in that area as crime isn't the only way to succeed without contacts.

So it's currently dead as far as I can tell, will it stay or go?


Roger Hooton, Nuriootpa, South Australia said...

You and your life AIN'T DEAD. Your photos on Flickr give happiness to many people, even me who gives you a bit of larakin sarcasm comment. So there is a PLUS to your life. Those photos are an important historical record of things that in the future historians and other will seek and be THANKFUL YOU took the photos and did the repairs.
Other things in your life give happiness to others. The fact that some people don't say thanks in person to you doesn't mean they don't appreciate your kindness.
Please DON'T get too worked up and depressed about not having a woman in your life. It happens to some of us late in life. I have told you about how late in life I got married and how short it was but I apparently extended the life of my late wife by at least two years so I was told by her elder brother and sister. A cousin married late in life and is still happily married ten years later. I have friends who married late in life. Maybe we have more fun without kids?
I know what it is like to be suicidal many times because I got depressed, having neighbours from hell twice in my life got me within minutes of it but somehow I stopped and now I have the best anyone would want and I have beaut friends who really do keep an eye on my welfare and life.
If you ever want anyone to listen to you phone me, you have my number and I will phone you back. Blast the shit at me about anything in your life. I'll listen and I might be able to offer some non-financial help.
As I approach 68 I now feel that I want to live until I am 80 or more despite mobility and other disabilities. Fourteen months ago I wanted to be dead on Christmas Day 2008.!!!!
I hate clubs and organised activities, I hate shopping and crowded places, I am claustrophobic and have food problems so can't eat out even at friends. But I AM SURVIVING. I don't do aerobics, yoga etc But somehow life looks great. I think that all politicians are the biggest con artists in the world, I think 90% of media news is all doom and gloom and crap but I LAUGH AT LIFE.
Yep David I am going on and on, that's another problem I have but I am trying to show you NOT to get depressive as LIFE WILL IMPROVE FOR YOU. Just don't try too hard looking for it. The next corner might not be a banana skin but a smiling Belinda or whatever her name for your life.

Now what was it you said you hated about the world? Oh yes bloody Poms who now live on the other side of the world telling you how to live your life.

David said...

No, good advice. I'd rather have people who care thousands of miles away than idiots locally. One cause of the problems is the almost total lack of interest from all but the most passing comments from those around me, they've got their lives and if I visit them exactly how and when they want me to then they may bother to see me, otherwise they're too wrapped in their own business to care, and unlike me I can't think of one who lives on their own besides my 80 year old neighbour who now hooks me in for about an hour every time I have to pick something up there for work. I know she needs the company so just get on with it, but people may think until someone's 80 they don't need any help.

Roger Hooton, Nuriootpa, South Australia said...

I used to find it annoying and deeply upsetting when -friends - would talk on and on about their kids and their grand kids. It deeply hurt me because I don't have kids so I had nothing in common on that subject but they thought they had to spend half an hour each time telling the latest crap news and showing me photos. Finally I snapped at each group of friends over several weeks and firmly and politely told them how much I loved them and appreciated their friendship and kindness towards me but it was VERY upsetting for me to hear talk about their kids when I didn't have any and because I was infertile could not have kids. I love kids, I wanted kids, but the older I got I didn't want t be hurtfully reminded each time about it. I got apologies from everyone as they did not realise how upset I got. I would go home and cry and cry for a long time, punishing myself when it was they they were punishing me.

Now the only time all my friends talk about their kids and grand kids is when I mention such.

I still can't go to places when kids are there enjoying themselves, I hate supermarkets and shopping centres because I am claustrophobic and you get at certain times of the year screaming kids. I shout at women who let their kids run amok in the stores. My friends understand why.

I am blessed with great friends here and now have great neighbours, women each side and in their late eighties but we have a laugh each day. they, like my cat and bird, keep me alive each day.

I don't have any relatives here in Australia, I have a shit of a younger brother in Norfolk who won't keep in contact with me or our cousins. I have two cousins in England who because of their ages and health have difficulty in keeping in touch. I do phone then several times a year and one we have the odd email with photos.

Loneliness in a bastard of a killer. there should be a law against it but unfortunately governments haven't found a way to tax it.

Stay there mate. The world needs people like you.

From 42C heat yesterday to it now pissing down with rain and temperatures dropping all the time, now bloody Antarctic 17C and dropping and it is only 2.30pm. We never had this when Churchill was world leader.

Cheers from Roger.

David said...

Thanks Roger. I didn't realise you were infertile, I presume I'm ok in that department and never had a chance to see but must be awful not to have that chance. My uncle was in the same position and messed up his life.

Your phobias sound similar to mine, at least there aren't so many places to get dragged to where you are, we have them across London as you know. I've made an art of avoiding them over the years as having spent time in them all till my 20s had quite enough by then and was happier with a quiet life.