Monday, September 27, 2010

Space, the big picture.

Let's try Firefox- yes, the theory holds. The fonts are arguing with IE.
Anyway, my current phase is filling space. I've been given plenty of it as if I need to learn to do more or get totally bored. Edgar Cayce said you have to make the first move before the world follows earlier today in a book I randomly picked up- they usually answer my questions and shows something is controlling at least the parts that appear to be controlled. I watch the world outside do the same irrelevant things it always has- friends with problems, lunatics becoming elected leaders, celebrities doing stupid things and politicians lying. I can't get anything out of the outside world when all it does is imitate a bad evening on Channel 4. The first step I felt needed taking was to get a more suitable woman than the one who won't. I don't want a woman who won't, whether she wants to marry me or is the most attractive woman in the world. I want a woman who is attractive, does and couldn't care less about marriage until well after we've been at it. More duds and lemons.

If the doctor comes up with new tablets on Tuesday I may stand a chance of improving, the others are OK but only use them when I need to so means the anxiety is totally left alone 95% of the time and does its thing in the background or foreground depending on circumstances. Of course this gap isn't the worst or biggest as besides the doctor visit which is pretty harmless there's nothing else to be tolerated at the moment, and should finally (ie after 50 years) be a published author next week (this week now) after just becoming a published photographer. No commission for a painting though, so many offers come for all sorts of work and then disappear. I'll do it anyway when the weather turns and if anyone wants it it'll be here. So what do I do about this woman and finding more to do in general? 1 is to meditate, inner change is better than any other as then the rest don't matter so much. Then as for women I could join yet another internet site, see a few apparently reasonable women, get a couple to reply and then find either the photo is ancient or they're seriously peculiar, or both. Two years or more showed me the pattern and the time wasted on phone calls and pointless messages isn't worth the small returns (one girlfriend total).

Although many people meet someone at work I never have, and don't work except with clients I can't see socially so that's dead in the water. I nearly asked a secretary out once but got made redundant the same day, and was too preoccupied with leaving than thinking about her. There was another once in a different office I never even met but sounded nice who said I could take her out for a meal, but me and restaurants never quite got on and I was made redundant soon after and moved back to London so missed any chance. Those were the closest times, while any classes I've joined also rarely produced anyone single, let alone interesting/interested. One much older woman did show an interest and more or less invited me over just before I met said internet girlfriend, and I only want one at a time. And I finally gave another long standing candidate a seeing to a day or so before as she was divorced now and back in England for a holiday. Those energy windows just open, let out whatever is there (nothing at the moment, but as a positive material) and then close again. The problems usually go when I realise what the phase is and then it stops, the good stuff seems to be totally random.

My next little task is to collect all the data on global warming trends- temperature, sea and ice levels. Now any sod could do this and get paid for it, but I do as I don't know anyone else who has besides one at a time. I need them all, and then compare the ones that go up with the flat ones for the same period, and see if anyone qualified can then see if they cheated. I've come to the conclusion this is how they do it as you can make it look any way you want as other people have little access to the raw data. In fact CRU haven't released theirs, so presumably if leaked somehow and compared with their public data they may actually end up in prison, or at least all get sacked and have to work mopping the university floors. You only need a brain to see any scam, and a professional to prove it. That's my role, detection, and pass the stuff along if I can ever find anyone able to test it.

So let's hope the boring phase goes as fast as possible, I ran out of material on Friday and had none since. There is only so much. No more old friends to look up online, few roads left to check on streetview, and a total lack of current inspiration. And one feature of that is it has to come from outside. Like tickling you can't inspire yourself. I do have hours of videos (Big Brother mainly) to catch up, but can't do that all day and don't want to, and will also make a couple more of these phone calls to more odd women just in case we can both benefit somehow. No one else so I will make my moves there first. Better than a kcik in the arse but possibly only slightly...

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