Sunday, September 25, 2005

Being right

This is really more of an article than a blog entry, but as it relates to where I am at the moment, there isn’t anywhere else I can put it.

I read this twice in two different books within about a week, and realised how true it is. Being successful and being right doesn’t necessarily make you happy. I spent time since I was doing my A levels having to discover principles in life to pass my exams, which then became incorporated into my booklet on counselling in 1995, and I’ve been finding new ones ever since, which I post here as well now. But I did realise, though they are very useful, particularly for my therapy clients, being right doesn’t make you happy. When I was a child I knew none of these principles, fucked up all the time but I was happy. Now, at 45 I have more of a guide to life, and understand situations at a level few do (believe me, I can show you). The people who know the most about these principles of situations we all face in life and can learn to both recognise and utilise are TV producers.

I’ve never seen so many complex and perceptive awareness of human situations than in good TV programmes. Childrens’ programmes, which have a particular educational aspect often put these principles in deliberately. I have now updated my list (written in assorted notebooks in whichever room I’m in when I think of them), and will put them into a second booklet (for my own use this time) as soon as I’ve found them all.
So, in the past, I used to go around blind, and not know what to do in any situation, wind up all sorts of people to the extent many wouldn’t speak to me again, and failed most of my O levels on the first attempt. Occasionally a friend would spot what I was doing and fill me in on simple principles, but most was trial and error, and working out the particular from the general. This allows me to use cognitive therapy at work as I have a database of strategies for most situations, and my clients (who are nearly all far far more successful than me) haven’t. They realise they are more interested in clearing up the few bits of their life that aren’t working, and my principles can do that. But my own life is so incredibly controlled and organised and a complete failure!

Let me explain. Some success lasts, others are temporary. So I picked up some lasting successes, with my qualifications and my house. Oh. That’s it. The house, over what tomorrow will be ten years, is now full of every piece of furniture and technology I need and have room for. Yet it’s an empty house. I sit either in front of the computer, TV or radio, all upgraded to what were pretty good models when I got them, but alone. So business wise, though while I had money coming in I was able to collect items, I now have them all and so what? I am able to keep myself vicariously occupied listening to other people on the radio or online messaging, but unless people come over, it’s an empty house the rest of the time. There is no principle on earth (to expand my friends point) that can bring suitable people into your life. Sure, spend as much time meeting people as you can until you do. But as many more mature people say, they went out to meet people so they needn’t go out any more. Discos were not places I went to for fun, but to pull women. Parties were a laugh sometimes but if you don’t pull the fun wains by the second hour. Courses are for education. Since my degree I’ve never met a proper friend on all my part time courses, besides the fact I did travel 15 miles to them, which doesn’t help, though there were many very nice and interesting people there, by the time people are reaching 30 they already have their lives and unlike at school don’t care to pick new friends up by then. I also went to meditation and psychic groups, and the people there were often on the borders of mental illness. Many people use them to try and find a way out, and though affluent and frequently educated, none had anything for me. So I learnt counselling, meditation, psychic development and shamanic practice, but none of these provided new friends.
At the time, my old friends from school were still around but I always add new ones where they arrive, but it didn’t happen.

But to return to principles, I have now a list of new ones that keep coming to me with no effort on my part to look for them. I just see a situation and realise what’s going on. Quite an asset really, especially if it was part of a job, but each time I recognise a new formula it makes no apparent different to my life besides being able to understand what’s going on and handle it properly. So, by writing this, I’ve actually worked it out. Understanding skills are only marginally connected with acquisitive skills. Therefore you can be the most understanding person but not gain a bloody thing from it as actually going out and getting things is as different as switching from juggling to crosswords. The skills seem totally different. Interestingly as in the wider world, this applies the same way in blogs. I’ve been deliberately leaving comments on blogs I read now to use as links back here. Did it work? Did it bollocks… I really wonder what people like reading besides news comment, which can already be read in every newsagent on earth. I read numerous styles, from the teenage ramblings I know I never made when I was a teenager, to similar ones to my own, and others I can barely follow. There are also the geek blogs which only analyse the latest geeky boxes with new displays and rams, and I can, again, read a magazine in the library if I want a review of the latest technology. So why the fucking bloody hell do only a few people seem to read my blog, least of all make comments? I have to show off for a minute here just to make my point, I have been writing all my life. It has got me numerous commissions in professional journals and qualifications, so is clearly good enough academically to stand up. The difference is here it’s about me, as I always say, because it’s my diary. If I want to write about almost anything else it either goes in the forums or in an article. And enough people say they like what I write in forums to affirm my ability. I had one critic who said I went on too much and was boring, but from where she was coming from she clearly preferred a more tabloid approach and found anything more serious totally boring. But there have to be other nerds out there like me who write and read deeper stuff, so now I’ve done some more marketing, where are they? As I discovered recently, I wrote to try and open a new career and painted for relaxation, but ended up with my paintings being the only area that may make any money. Of course a successful TV appearance is above all but a best selling book or major newspaper article, possibly even equal with. That could break the inertia of my career to the professional from the amateur level, but as I said before, until its shown I have to work on it from all other angles as well. None have any guarantees so all have to be pursued equally until one or more pays off. So though I have reached an unavoidable level of understanding, I have near non-existent marketing and acquisitive skills, as can be seen in my situation. Let’s see if I can start from the beginning on that course now I know what I need to learn.

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