Apart from getting up so late not a lot of today was left, I was mainly involved watching cricket on TV, and one reason for my lateness was completing Nick's proofreading job in two days flat. It's now on its way back to Surrey, and as far as I'm concerned a very hard proposition to argue with. In my own experience, I don't think it's actually because my own problems are so serious I have barely shifted, but there's no quick route to enlightenment except maybe LSD, but I can do without the brain damage you get as well.
I spoke to a new Funtrivia friend for the first time as well, and showed friends are friends whether you see them all the time or have only spoken online. You do get to know them just as well, probably more as believe me if you're with most people they hardly talk compared to having nothing else to do online. And if they do it's usually a one-sided rant about either their biggest current dispute or family problems. Very little philosophy or deeper personal stuff. But online, all the gossip and drivel won't get very far in writing, and so people have proper conversations.
Well, I have, like on Blue Peter, already prepared a little piece for today, as I had a bit of time to fill before. Basically, I moan all the time about missing out on 99% of all the pleasure in life I used to have, and am I expecting too much from it?
All I know is the entropic effect has meant that the quality of life I had has gone downhill ever since the early 1980s, and nearly everyone I know of my age and even over 30 is or was married, some a few times already. So it does happen, and I haven't got that many faults that put people off, or have I?
OK, I decided to analyse from small ads and the like the plusses and minuses women say they're looking for. Tall, dark, handsome, hair, solvent (like Domestos???) and like to party.
Well, I can knock off the whole fucking lot from that list- I partied till I was about 25 and then fizzled out. That never impressed the women anyway, I took them everywhere they could imagine but dumped me invariably nonetheless. But after all these years my conclusion is had I had more of that list I'd have had about three times the hit/miss ratio I did, with much smaller gaps between relationships, but everyone regardless of their paper score gets someone dead right for them eventually. The odd ones just have huge gaps waiting as they don't pull so easily in between, though I know if I'd done exactly what I did for the last 30 years I'd have pulled three times as much had I been over 5'9''. That's just life and I can't change those rules. But ultimately, all the other men without the qualities women claim to value above all others do settle down with someone who looks beneath the inside leg measurement (something in my analysis most women value the most, whether they realise it or not), but unless I'm a true alien, I haven't for no more reasons.
Of course a few experts can pull using a script worked out scientifically, regardless of anything else. But it takes a skill beyond most normal men to do that, though for a period in the late 70s I went out so much that once I'd been introduced to a woman (the one area I still stick on) I could keep her attention as far as the phone number stage. They still usually fucked me off afterwards half the time, as if while I was talking to them they'd become hypnotised but wore off by the time I called them. Do some men just put women off? My father always said I'm peculiar, so no normal woman would touch me, as my grandma does sometimes as well. I wonder if peculiar=not conventional? Like every woman wants a robot using a script, knowing exactly what to say and do in every situation. I improvise, and if I get on with someone it drives itself.
Anyway, I'll let you ponder on that theory and end with a rare exception to my severe failure with anyone who passes my own test of total acceptance. Back in 1974 I had just walked onto a cruise ship, and saw a beautiful Glaswegian girl with blonde ringlets down to her bum, and saw a label on her case 'Georgia McCambley' (in the hope one day someone will know her here and tell her where I am!). A few days later I was with girlfriend two within that period, when a girl came up to me with the line we all die to hear, 'My friend likes you'. Well, being only 14 I dropped Christine on the spot (sorry Christine, I was young and immature and she had imprinted on me before anyone else) and went for Georgia like a magnet. The next day it was all over, and while chasing someone else who had a boyfriend, was set up with her very ordinary friend for the rest of the cruise until the coach home where I met a local paragon of feminine quality who lasted about a week after I got home.
But the points from this are, one, at 14 I was average height and had all the hair you have at that age. So I was an equal. Now I'm still average height, had I stayed 14, and half my hair if that. And I haven't had a woman ask me for many years. Sadly ten years later (sorry, I've told this story before, but this contained the whole beginning as well), I was reunited by phone with Christine, and as she sounded a bit soppy the 40 mile plus distance was just too far at the time to consider, though she still remembered the whole lot and still wanted me after all I'd done at the time. She even had nice parents who wouldn't put her off seeing me and I let her go, not once but twice! And the fallout never ended.
So all these years later I don't believe I'm unreasonable wishing and believing things should be better. Why? Because it's normal. The amount of resources I've created to fill empty time since I was a few years old means I have a house comparable with the nerve centre of any museum or college worldwide (except for the broadband connection, but this is the third world here). I have started a cottage industry writing and painting, and link with friends everywhere except nearby via the computer. I haven't left a job voluntarily since 1991 (which made me happy for months after, so was a bloody good decision), and had two since, after over 300 applications (we had to keep a list). Basically I did my bit, on the business and pleasure side, and after years the business side is slowly picking up though I haven't earned a penny from it.
So, with all the evidence I present, am I expecting too much from life? You tell me.