Thursday, March 09, 2006

Peeing it down

Yes, we all need water, and for the last two days I've been finding things to do while it rains. It's still raining and I'm bored. I have some boring work I could do, which I will start sooner or later, and just started tidying up my painting again since the kitchen was finally finished. But I am in a situation where the bad has more or less cleared but there's no real good, just here, now and alone.

Most other people would be working now, and I remember 30 years ago it was the same when I finished school months before everyone else and had time and no one to share it with. Now I have more resources but little else.
Ideally I would be able to work from home a few days or more a week writing or painting, and live in a family, but at present I write and paint, don't get paid for it, and that's it. I may even go out and take the new photos I saw last night in the rain as at least it'll give me a change of scenery, but I bet the battery will run out on the camera first...

Don't get me wrong, life if being lived again after all that time under the weather, but lack of pain doesn't always mean presence of pleasure. Also the amazing lack of response after the TV programme as a bit disappointing, when you think lots of people worked for 6 months to put the series together and so far approximately 50,000 people have seen it, as I checked the Discovery science viewing page, and it says they get about 300,000 viewers a day and my show was on four times. So if you go on real TV silently for 5 seconds half the country appears to know, but give your name and do proper work only the people in it (if they even managed to see it as they are nearly all abroad where they haven't shown it) and a few UFO anoraks will know. It will be on again on a channel with a few times more viewers, and then abroad, but won't make me known here on this occasion.

It's times like this you wish someone or something else would come along and fix it, as I'm going nowhere in this weather and it's pretty dull here. The TV isn't even any use, 170 channels and hours of times when there's still garbage on every one of them. Nick R would remind me it's a perfect time to watch my emotions, so I will. A continual state of meditation. I'd add that anything supernatural would help as well, escape maybe but other-dimensional entities communicating solutions to problems we can't solve and teaching me powers of my own. Hazel Courteney is another apparently honest and sensible woman who tells us all is true but it's hiding too darn well and she almost died getting there herself in a typical major-scale shamanic ordeal, which isn't worth it as far as I'm concerned. And the spiritual bottom line as I said to Sharon last night is that every person allowed to (apparently) see this level can't show it to anyone else. God only reveals itself to individuals (how they are chosen seems to follow little pattern besides the rare persistent workers at it) and though each person taken (as Tony Parsons calls it) is fine themselves, they can't contribute any more to the others besides add their anecdote. A court wouldn't even open the doors for such evidence and us students are expected to take it on faith.

I said that as well, that people who disbelieve everything supernatural frequently believe in God. Now one simple equation. If God exists, everything is supernatural as there is nothing more supernatural than God.

Sensible people believe with an open mind that anything is possible but only know what they have personally had proved to them. Tommy Boyd let me down (but like Steve Davis when he used to miss a simple red) proves he is also human. If he sees a ghost or UFO though his mind has been closed to it, how will his belief structure respond? He of all people (who was also religious once) should realise human beings can't restrict what is and isn't real just on current evidence. If we find a way to open a dimensional doorway all the disbelievers will just have to shut the hell up as they will all look extremely stupid. I am similar about God, but my beef is with religion, which is man's primitive reaction to the unknown or superior, not God itself. As Nick says, if you meet a teacher you learn, not worship. Worship is for power, not growth. And the religious rules in the holy books (besides the ones us disbelievers call the law of the land) can all go. Burning books? I never thought I'd hear myself advocating something Mao and Hitler did, but in this case it's not the books but what they represent that ruins the world. People like Tony Blair justifying what they do 'as the bible tells them what to do', just like the koran does to the Muslims we are fighting. Great. I meanwhile will detach myself from all that and let my own intuition guide me as for me that's all there is.

Well, the sun has just come out (a small break in the rain clouds) so I'm going out before it starts again. Bye!

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