Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Random Wednesday

Part two of nothing... But I'm here, back from the dentist, and decided to use the space to see what appeared. The treatment is officially finished, the crown feels a bit high but is likely to settle down I was told. Not a major deal though.
Tomorrow is virtually free, one business affair planned in the afternoon and grandma later, but otherwise I can try and finish my painting (nearly there) or even take more pictures (just above zero, end of March, typical). It's not too late now so I don't feel guilty or in a rush to finish before 3am, so can relax and see what I want to talk about beyond today's essential business which included a visit to the gym which I'm sure everyone wanted to know.

Any philosophy may be drying up. Theory is interesting, but reality is bigger than all of us, and we really all witness every part of it, either as a participant or observer, but not the scriptwriter. I had a dream last night where a huge Native American told me I wouldn't satisfy my heart for 200 years. Somehow it made sense. Looking backwards I 'satisfied my heart' so long ago I wouldn't dare mention it here. Each time since was interrupted half way or never made it, and my health is bound to have suffered as a result. Being a therapist, I am well aware of the benefits of physical and sexual contact. Sex and laughter are the best treatments, the rest are often needed from lack of them. But sex is like food. You can eat dog food or the best cuisine, and even when starving will know the difference. It has to be the right person or it sadly barely counts. So I have had what anyone would call an active sex life. I know I moan like I've missed out on a lot, but that is one area most people who know me tell me is above the average.

But the response meter goes from zero to infinity, and depends on who you touch before you respond. That is more or less fixed, and once tested (I can look most of the time and tell, just instinct) is, like food, better than nothing, but unless it crosses the 'red line' isn't any use as therapy. But it's not just me. Like the Dutch, sex on the national health would be the best move they could make worldwide. In France sex therapy is often practical, I knew one woman here who offered it openly while being professionally qualified, but she appeared unique. A man would last one second if it came out publically. What a position- anyway, it would help me and it would help most people with crap lives who only need simple pleasures and friendship to fix a basically dead life. It seems a little epidemic at the moment, and I'm realising we only want the same things in life, and those who have missed it for a long time will react as a result. Who wouldn't?
So you get advice about all sorts of philosophical and complicated practical plans when the best result would come from a good seeing to. With the right person preferably, but it all helps.

But as for company that again must be one that passes the red line test, or the person becomes a pain in the arse you want to get rid of. I've had tenants and at least one friend staying here who proved that point. I've sent offers away as each person fits another more or less like a key and a lock, and few people open our locks and we have to wait for them rather than force them with the wrong key and break ourselves as a result. Had plenty of girlfriends like that as well, I couldn't get rid of them quick enough once I realised they weren't right. The rest did it to me. That was apparently what the dream was about, it was some sort of destiny that something on those lines was meant to happen. Of course unless there's a higher power in charge life (as I said at the top) is random, but in my life and most others you can see they are more than that. Guided but in very silly ways. Like a book written by a 5 year old. It has a clear story and fits, but no sense at all.

I give up... (for today).


Sharon said...

I know you don't visit my blog much so will post this here for you. I thought I could do this. I can't it hurts too much. I wanted to call and tell you goodbye but didn't want to wake you again. I'm sorry.

David said...

Your stats counter must be lying as I visit nearly every day.
But don't you dare say goodbye, we are not meant to make those decisions, trust me on that.

Sharon said...

proved my point with your post

without love life is meaningless

no one loves me
and i have no one to love
my life is meaningless