Wednesday, August 23, 2006

The vagina monologue

I wonder if life really depends where you look? Is it true that despite thinking we see it all as it is there are actually different ways and parts to look at that change how we see things altogether? Buggered if I know but at least I've raised it.
I've got half an hour before my appointments and rather than do anything else wanted to come here. I don't know why as besides the previous question there's nothing particular to say, but that isn't how it works as the material arrives when I start and not before in cases like today.

I've basically been dissected and am gradually being put back together. All my faults were laid out to the exclusion of my good points, and despite a few being correct the overall picture was far from accurate. But there was a year of paranoia where I'd been defending myself here from an unknown critic, now I've found out who it is and can move on.
My bottom line is if there was any better way of doing things why the hell would I do things the way I am now? Other people who poke their noses in don't think of the obvious. There are no better alternatives. If there were of course they would be preferable but everything I do is because I can't think of anything better, and from the few offers I get few are worth accepting. The people who interest me are rarely around and besides the ones who live abroad have long since left me out of their lives. So I do whatever's available and possible, and if that means hours on the computer (which not only improves my writing skills but may one day get me published) then thank god I've got a computer and broadband. If I'd been earning money sitting here for the same number of hours I'd be a valuable member of society, but as I don't I'm a dropout and a parasite. OK, I'll be a leech, they don't seem to mind being leeches so why should I?

Next, disappointment. Basically with a few rare exceptions few things turn out as good as you expect. Revelations about UFOs are as much use as the rantings of a drunk with no evidence whatsoever. People getting paid to fantasise, when in fact exploiting my wish for such things to be real. Of course if they were we couldn't be disappointed and these things wouldn't be in doubt. But the industry and claims need so much investigation to finally reach a point where behind the hype you find absolutely nothing. Promises of future events in this dimension are little better. How someone can hook you into performing on camera for Sky One when it turns out the programme will be broadcast on 3G phones implies some sort of funny business. Women who want to see me are not apparently interested in sex but know they like talking to me. OK, get me castrated and dress me up as a woman if that's all they're looking for. If a woman wants a man for anything why not sex? They can chat far better and be understood with other women, and unless they look like a moose the man won't be concentrating on anything more than he can see anyway. I don't need female friends. If by pure chance a woman comes along who looks like Sigmund Freud (including the beard) and doesn't find me attractive either and is good company, then I make an exception. Otherwise if you mix a man and a woman the chances are about 95% one will want more and 85% the other won't. What's the point?

Women are very good about blanking out the bits they don't want to see. So they pretend after five years of friendship they are amazed you want more. My fucking arse they are. From the second moment you met they knew and didn't give a shit. Because they knew just seeing them gave them a chance to unload their nonsense with the vague hope you may get a reward in the distant future allowed them to continue this torture until the man caves in and makes his move. Then they depart and find another victim. Men can't usually be devious like that. We are dogs, we do things in the open and don't really care or have much ability to be subtle. There really isn't a need. If women weren't subtle to the point of invisibility life would have 3/4 of its question marks taken out. Women I know as friends give no indication at all there's any more interest, but that doesn't mean there isn't, it just means they don't show it. And they can wait until a man makes their move as there's no sense of urgency compared to a man. A woman can lose her desire indefinitely but a man can't even divert his attention to anything else if his mind's on sex. Well someone designed us different and as I always say, in my experience the few women who act like men always look like them. No use to me. Probably have high testosterone as one I knew actually did and believe me was no catch...


Anonymous said...

The only male friend I have besides you is gay, and he understandably wants no part of me except to hang out now and then. But if I could I would certainly be your fuck buddy David.

David said...

A nice thought, so long as it only ever remains a thought (and yours, not mine...).