Thursday, August 31, 2006

Personal therapy page

In the space between work and tv there is one other little job to do (which may be done) but while there's a coffee which is waiting to be finished I came here.
In between one non event and anticlimax, really all there is is a day followed by another one. Yesterday was good as I actually did what I needed to and could do. Tiny stuff in practice or comparison but very important, like saving a life. If someone needs a very simple procedure carried out to save their life it's not the effort involved that matters but the effect of the task. So despite seeming simple yesterday's jobs were essential. Understand now?

Well, that was yesterday, due to a radio programme about end times I was obliged to stay up till 4am in case I missed something. Not clever but at least next time bedtime approaches I won't need to say I have to stay up to listen to something on the radio and go to bed already. Right now there's nothing. Apart from some old letters that need picking out and removing I am drifting. The photos will be taken sooner or later, but till then socially has ground to a halt, any meetings have taken place and even with any of my limitations still find ways to see people one way or another.
It is a bit like a dog who's buried a bone in the garden and can't find it, it almost feels as if there's something I should know but can't work out what or where it is. As if there's a point to all this and instead of having had not enough sleep and little to do something major is sitting somewhere waiting to be found. Or wishful thinking. If this problem has a solution just talking round it on my own can take me closer to it, but there isn't even the original situation of delay, where something you know is coming is a long way off, as there isn't anything there either. No plans or projects left besides one cryptic message which may or may not have been responded to but I have not been made aware of it.

Mystery then today. The mystery being 'is there any more than I can see?'. Not usually, the only items being those opinions women (mainly) have already formed about me but haven't let me know. I have conversations where others say they probably do like me despite saying little or nothing and me saying they are just humoring me, and neither of us have the faintest idea of the truth. Except until you have something you have nothing, and why women generally refuse to reveal anything before the man does (at least in this sodding country) in one case even when I have I'm still none the wiser. Patience implies if you sit back and wait something eventually happens, but I've even lost that as in my cases it may well never happen. The only probable is I'll get an answer, but if it's no then I've waited the equivalent of all summer for my exam results only to find I've failed them all (memory, 1980). I never want to go through that again either. And unlike colleges women don't give you a date for your results.
Well, here goes a page of personal therapy, not really for entertainment and probably best deleted, but if I do that I won't have written anything better so will have missed a page. And maybe someone else may be able to relate to this and work something out for themself. Or get bored silly, I can't tell.

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