Monday, January 29, 2007


How anyone can get excited about reaching 47 is anyone's guess, but after 40 I see each year as a badge of survival. I have few if any plans now for the near or distant future, think what I'll do the day before and usually do it. Photos in Highgate tomorrow, if dry. The new sunglasses are great for that, photochromic and no reading part so I can drive and look in all directions without a blurry bit when I'm not reading anything.
An attention to the everyday minor details is something which gets me and many other people through life. Besides having a partner or being enlightened we only really have the little things 99% of the time and may as well make the most of them. I find people I know who go into detail make their life sound interesting, even if sometimes when I've shared it with them found it wasn't. Hull being the best example. However interesting you make it living in Hull can never be more than it is, deadly.

Besides all that I managed to find just over £5 worth of recent antiques for my birthday money usage today, the more expensive stuff wasn't there and besides a few old cars I had similar everything I wanted was dirt cheap for a change. I also have to get new lounge carpets as the others look like a cow lives there. On that front I am faced with another insoluble problem, how to stop living alone. It's not up to me and there's no direct route. From what I read besides a form of prayer/visualisation that's it. I was reminded a third mutual female was around, the first was banned by her mother, the second was too far away and the third was recovered by her ex boyfriend when he heard I was hanging around. I had 3 chances and blew them all. I have no methods and no answers. I accept I am powerless and use my power to do what I can like take photos. All scenes are there already and waiting to be taken. Luckily I find new ones from new angles, and in roads I never used until I pass them on the way somewhere else. And with photobox I can now keep them in a permanent bound book beyond the old print albums I have piled up everywhere.
Seeing no future is scary but realistic, and slowly my attention has to return more and more to the present as that's all there is. Seeing nothing ahead means whatever there is now is likely to continue for eternity, but that's not true either, it's just the mind has to fill the space ahead with something and that's all there is to do it. My minor celebrity never called again despite thinking I did a good job, her loss and privilege if she doesn't want to come back, plenty more do. So, that's the start of 47, as each year passes you get a little more experience and insight and I suppose when you get enough to really make use of it you die. Good system, who thought of it?

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