Monday, January 08, 2007

Opposite day

Who remembers opposite day in Seinfeld when George had been doing so badly he decided to do the exact opposite of everything and it did actually work? Well I'm in a life where every day is the opposite day to everyone else, as I've been reminded recently. I've had a job once, such a long time ago, but only part time. Due to a 3 year college course I couldn't work full time throughout then and the last 'real job' I had was in 1989. I still worked after that but part time was all I found after 2 years searching. I've paid my bills regardless but of course some people disapprove. What harm am I doing? None. Probably jealousy in many cases as they wish they could do that as well.

Why everyone should have jobs, especially when there aren't enough for everyone, is a joke. Of course no one needs to work 40 hours a week now, if we all did 3 days a week even I could find something as I could apply for everything instead of jobs only women with kids take after they start school. I got mine through friends or simply walking in places and asking. Rarely the usual ways. When the final effort lasted a week the time came to change direction and I studied for more qualifications since, and at least am now able to earn fairly well for the few hours I do get, as much as I did for a day in my last real job. So not so silly after all maybe.

This week has an unusal number of projects that may bear fruit. My TV programme video is due, my sunglasses will arrive, and I have a few likely visitors. And where I'm an opposite other people follow my route and accept it. OK, so far the candidates have been as rough as they come in various ways, but somehow it has to happen eventually. My American friends are so uninhibited compared to this lot but unfortunately not here. But the years I wasn't working my family took the benefit with endless trips to supermarkets and hospitals which I couldn't have done if I had a job and there's no one else in the family really. Explain that to the disapproving DSS staff who told me a sick person could start a part time job and then find they could easily do full time. Like we could win the ashes this year. Different universes apparently and they inhabit one occupied by fairies. They ought to go to one of the healing services and make everyone get out of their wheelchairs and walk. They are told to do this by their superiors and are not the slightest bit bothered whether they believe a word of it, they just want people off the dole and by suggesting the lame can walk and the blind can see apparently they think they can con people to take jobs they are physically and mentally incapable of doing. And people wonder why I complain when I have to hear this shit from our government representatives knowing their true plans.

It is clear and obvious not a single problem anyone suffers would be better if shared. When I'm alone, especially at night, there's no protection. I get it full on with no reduction. I don't even bother to describe the worst things as I don't want total strangers to be dragged down as well. Just trust there are things that haunt me at times and they all add to the general picture. It even indirectly affects my health and slows me down considerably. Even when any problem has no solution being with someone else makes it seem less direct. Oddly my family mainly prefer to live alone. OK, they had someone with them many years longer than I did so maybe feel less isolated but alone is still alone and they all seem quite resigned to it unlike me. My grandma is the exception and my exception where I couldn't live as I'd have no freedom. Apart from having to work out where to have sex (yes, I do manage it sometimes) the rest would all be an improvement. And that ought to have an easy solution. If we had millions it may be possible to find somewhere big enough to split in two and maybe get someone to share with me, but we haven't.
So, tonight the only question is did the video arrive today when I was out? Unlikely actually but technically possible. Then if not will it arrive this week? The digital photos will be an added bonus, especially if they let me post them here. And I have to find comfort in the small things, new photos, bits of shopping etc., as that's all there usually is. Nothing special but how many people do? Having a partner is special, if you've got the right one. Living in a family. The most social activities where I am is when two cats from over the road sit in the street together. Honestly. No wonder I sound like I'm losing it...

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