Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Loose ends, loose labia

My hits have dropped to 15 a day. Where am I going wrong???

Meanwhile loose ends abound. The labia are purely in my mind, I don't know what the Upanishads say (use Google guys, that's what it's for) but when I need to divert my mind I meditate on the labia. You can't beat nature's gifts to raise you from the depths of anything, and nothing beats the labia.

So many loose ends I shouldn't worry about. Accounts all over the place, waiting for the final appointment for an eye test when I can get my arse in gear, lost clients, putting everything back after my renovations (kitchen and painting), and the usual dental checkup like the steaming pile of manure at the top. I really can't be bothered with all of it hanging around like bad smells but Maharaji says loose ends are usual and we must go above them rather than care and attempt to do them up- for each we do two more arrive so it's a waste of time. If someone dies we always wish we'd said things, they'd done things etc but death is beyond our control. As is life. We go half way, life comes the other way. And currently little of life is coming to me as I go out to it. That is: No email replies from any women, not a squeak from the computer monkeys who ripped me off and made excuses even Tony Blair would be embarrassed to use, and the first really good deal online having to be refunded as the post office lost the parcel (for lost read used for their own use). That'll make someone a nice christmas present. So in the half hour between lunch and the client who didn't come I slipped out to Cricklewood to squeeze my lens through more railings to get this picture and one other. Besides having to get home no other road had a view of the line so this was it.

Because of the lack of events from outside and through no choice or fault of my own have no job I am opening my mind to make plans to make sure I have things to do ahead. I don't want to waste my time and hope various things I think of will provide something to achieve each day so it doesn't feel like dead time. It gets harder and harder as with hardly anyone to do it with and little new to create besides writing for a dwindling audience I end up taking quizzes and looking up people I knew 30 years ago on the internet. At least my travels are slowly expanding again, getting as far as Staples Corner (see above picture for proof), Highgate, Staples Corner again to the shop called Staples (originally named after the demolished Staples bed factory and replaced by guess what, Staples stationary superstore, no connection), Kew retail park, Finchley, Kenton and possibly next Temple Fortune. People abroad may well think I'm describing Eldorado or Shangrila, in fact most of these places can be seen on my (linked) Flickr album and are closer to Dante's inferno than paradise, though some of Temple Fortune is better than most of London. So is Kosovo I expect, if you remove the bombs and gunfire.

My plumber who comes 20 miles here fitted a boiler opposite last week, do you think (after getting him the work) he'd come and fix my leaks afterwards? What do you think? As I said life has to meet me half way and at the moment it seems I've got a trench in front of me where all my plans fall before they get to the recipients. When even the postman appears to nick your best deal and then pretend it was never sent you can see what sort of state things are in. Even the few people who replied on friends reunited didn't follow up after I replied, including one who said he wanted to meet me, though I have no idea where he now lives. I seem like a spare part no one besides my family and people so tedious no one else will speak to them want to bother with. People who say it's so difficult to come and visit or hardly ever phone suddenly want to turn up within the hour for help and advice. Basically they appear to have no interest in me, but only what I can do for them, or they could make the effort any time. Now if possibility 3 has simply been delayed rather than deterred by my latest offer this trend may end but I see no end to it at the moment. And what the fuck are they doing with my computer?

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