Sunday, December 03, 2006

No power no control

So much work and aggravation, one bunch ends leaving me with nothing else and then another lot starts. My computer was not only fitted with an antique processor for the price of a new one but went down the second time I turned it on and is now having a major inspection. If they try and charge me for this I won’t be impressed. The cough and the paint smell have left me tired and that sealed the last of it. If you had a computer repairers miles away as they were special you’d have done hundreds of miles each time it returns and crashes, just like my neighbour’s did the previous week which fucked up all the accounts besides many of his other data, as well as my week as a result. Though I did get paid.

On the positive side all the possibilities are as likely as Macclesfield beating Chelsea in the next round of the FA cup. The 3 women are gradually reducing, the older one appears to have not a clue of my interest despite my huge implied remarks. That would seem she wasn’t interested as the idea of shagging someone 20 years her junior would leave her cold, though I wonder if the idea of shagging anyone would at her age. That leaves the woman stranded without a car. She can be a pain in the arse and am reaching the point where however attractive the rabbit would finish me off sooner or later. The reunited girlfriend hasn’t come back despite just being given my phone number so can’t care that much whether she talks to me or not. I now have my only reserve who is getting asked out shortly. I’ll report back how that goes.
The media is slightly better though the time before my next appearance is a few months away and the mobile phone one will be released the same time. If it ever reaches the proper TV I’ll be very lucky and aren’t expecting much. The Channel 4 documentary is a possibility for the future but so far only in the brainstorming stages without even a definite decision to make it. Now I get maybe 5 enquiries a year sooner or later one will end in a real TV appearance where people recognise me the next day as they did when I sneaked into Big Brother for 5 whole seconds. The power is incredible. I also had to submit my accounts to the authorities and hope they don’t disapprove of them as they are prone to, as the rules are different this year from the last one.

If, as I suspect, I have run out of philosophy, I’ll be filling my gaps here with other padding as however true some of it may be it hasn’t even made my own life any better. Knowing you’re being conned and stopping it happening are 2 different things and for instance all 3 parties agree on energy taxes so we can’t do a thing to halt the unavoidable push to the middle ages. I can almost smell the horse manure already. It is incredibly depressing knowing we are being ripped off and although just enough experts and citizens realise it none have enough power to stop it. They probably make more carbon in Iraq in a week as we do in a year as well as use that much fuel and even I have now seen going there had no effect on the world at all. Except to cost the west a shedload of taxpayers money. Hence energy taxes. They have to make excuses to get it back somehow. Losing the war in Iraq taxes don’t sound so attractive do they, so they need something enough plebs will fall for while the few with independent brains and data spot the pickpocket straight away but can do nothing to stop them. Air fuel. Not flying to Spain but troops to Iraq. And weapons cost more than kidney machines. And for what. I don’t know.

Anyway, from one depressing scenario to another, ad infinitum. In the news or at home. Each project delivers the worst possible scenario, time after time, while the few benefits I do get are the bare minimum I need to survive. Do I exaggerate? OK, I had saved when I did work to protect me from the worst, but otherwise there isn’t much to celebrate about, compared both to what I used to have and what others have. Even my friend whose wife took his kids abroad was approached within possibly seconds by another recent separatee (is that a word?) who threw herself at him. I’m struggling to remember if any woman since 1975 threw herself at me. The offers I get are the usual ones for a share (ten per cent) of 15 million dollars. And one final conclusion, effort does not equal reward. No way. My happiest times the good things were just there. I didn’t work for them in any way or plan them, they just happened. Now they don’t. Unlike the world of business, as my family believe, there’s no effort-reward formula for pleasure as there is in career. I have been to the direst collections of humanity confined to a room for an evening in the name of social events, where many of these faces, some worthy of the circus, had been going to similar events for 20 years and persisted despite being alone every time when they arrived and left. I can’t see a way of gaining anything from these places, the few organised for singles, just because other people do it. Think X Factor first auditions. The weird contestants. All visited jewish socials at some point of their lives, even if not jewish. I say jewish as no one else in London organises these things. And they attract all the types left over by society and still believe after 32 years of tri-weekly visits they’re going to meet their partners each time they go. I prefer tried and tested at least, even if they also rejected me as well. The fact I’m running out of them and maybe 3 from 100 or more were even single (as in divorced) they weren’t coming back for a second try. There’s no solution, like meditation you know what to do but the results are by grace, a religious word for at random. Probably exactly the method they use to diagnose computer problems.

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