Day 304 alternative Big Brother house. David has little to do besides listen to an old radio programme on the computer. The cat is sitting by the door. Various tasks have been taken this week, the sheet mountain has been reduced to a small pile in the corner, and two paintings are almost finished ready to be copied and mounted.
A few quick visitors have been this week, David's father, neighbour and a friend. Due to a shopping error the cakes have run out as have the crisps and as the storeroom only exists in the real big brother house David will have to make his own arrangements when passing a convenient shop.
Being allowed communication with the outside world, two calls have been made to LBC this week as previously reported, including a graphic description of David's deep interest in a woman he pretty well oughtn't, much to the disbelief of Iain Lee who couldn't visualise someone like me raving over a woman so different from what people expect.
The diary room in the alternative house has been replaced with the blog room, big brother being the internet viewers and only reply with rare comments. As there's no one else in the house to talk to besides the rare visitors David makes full use of the diary computer and would rather see it as a delayed conversation than talking to himself. Current news is the producer has sold the adjoining house to David's, but David has no idea whether the new occupiers will be friendly or running a crack den. Of course it could be literally anyone, and the odds are 50-50 if they'll be OK, and 20% they'll ever talk to him besides saying hello.
There's still no word from maintenance for essential repairs and renovations. The building budget has been allocated but as yet no staff have accepted the offer to carry out the work, citing reasons like 'I'd rather work for idiots I can rip off' or 'for minor aristocracy than take your piddling shite job'.
Finally Jon Tickle will be impersonated for a quick diary room entry.
Morning big brother, for it is now nine minutes past midnight. All is chaos in the big brother house, there has been a war over biscuits for two days now, with Tania refusing to accept the fact if she eats over her quota each day the suplly will run out two days early. I tried to explain it to her diplomatically and she replied with a rude gesture and walked off in disgust. Not a very successful mission unfortunately. Ray's become very frustrated and has started making very vulgar suggestions about the girls, which has made Cameron's face turn very red, as he isn't used to such talk in the Orkney Islands. I fear someone may have to turn the hose on him if he gets any worse as he's slowly turning into a wild animal. We seem to have enough potatoes to last the week, thanks to my measuring exercise on Monday where I sorted groups into a selection of different sizes for each day of the week, and surprisingly no one seems to have spoilt the system and have been using each group on the appropriate day. I may actually have had a little organisational influence on the group after all. Well big brother, that's about all for now, there are vegetables to be looked after in the garden and I fear if I don't get cracking nothing will happen as nobody else seems to be prepared to make an effort there besides myself. Not to worry, I've never been the one to avoid responsibility so off I go for now, bye big brother, Jon signing off.