Wednesday, November 02, 2005


Well, today whatever happened nothing went wrong!. It shows it's possible at the moment, and if I record it here at least I won't forget it so easily when I need to in the future.

I started by hooking my ancient laptop to broadband so I could compress 4 hour's worth of updates into 10 minutes, which worked fine. I then hooked it all back to the PC and phut. Again I twiddled and fiddled and apart from the modem lights working it was dead, so I went out, planned my next move, but when I came home it was fine again! I just rang the radio as they've been asking callers for musical jingles and I played Jeremy Taylor's old hit from South Africa 'Ag pleez deddy', which I played and sang on the guitar. Believe it or not the next caller was from Zimbabwe and it brought back loads of childhood memories for her. What are the chances of that?

I have done 4 loads of washing, only one to go, and invested in a tough new wicker basket as the load has crushed the old red plastic one which is quite old. I'm free the next two days so far, which is what I really need at the moment, and don't care what I do or not as long as I chill out and relax. And I just saw the blog of someone else I know online with related health problems to me (though many times worse than my own), and it's clearly something that hits far more people than you realise until people actually come out and say it's happening to them. Once you realise many apparently 'OK' people out there are suffering from a plethora of health problems, and many of the most talented you buy books and music they create often have even more per person. It just seems to come with the territory, and if you're sensitive enough to analyse, question and create unfortunately you feel things a lot more than some, and the bad stuff can go pretty deep once the door has been opened by a stressful event or three. How we fill that opening in the armour is a mystery to me besides the obvious tablets, though of course as I said if I can relate my own problems to negative outside events I assume it would pick up if they did. But nowadays I take nothing for granted as all my original assumptions proved wrong when tested.

Basically, I used to assume people would be happy from good events that I expected to make me happy. So the rich and successful who were worse than I was moaning and whingeing about every little thing, let alone all the drugs were a mystery to me. So what happened? I was put (karma if anything's an example of it) where I was in such a low state I didn't give a damn whatever happened apparently, so I could stop imposing expectations on other people, also covering what I could do and expected others should as well (I didn't even realise I did it till I was stopped in my tracks once). OK, I learnt my lesson, no need for those conditions now thank you. The points have been learnt and I'll never make those mistakes any more. Change please?

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