Saturday, May 13, 2006

Week's review 3

Friday night and the addiction is kicking in. Go to bed early, watch the video on tv? No, I gotta blog already! It's really the equivalent of having a late night, on demand therapist, so I shouldn't complain.

It's been one of those quiet weeks where nothing bad or good happened. I was fairly at peace, worked fairly hard and already showed some of the photos I took. The weather was nice most of the time as well, and I'm on day 3 of t shirts from around the start of May onwards. That's how I know if the weather is really good or just pretending.

So, the trouble with weeks like this is it makes me think is that all there will ever be, the main good just being the absence of bad, like finding things you'd lost you don't gain anything, just break even. Big bloody deal. I've been breaking even a long time in my better weeks, and losing big time on the worst. I have some profit such as getting on TV, but as the real rich and famous will tell you that alone isn't directly going to bring you happiness, and the satisfaction of permanent improvements such as qualifications wears off after a day or two usually. I'm not like a London taxi driver wearing a badge with LLB (Hons) on it the way they ostentatiously wear their badges round their necks at all times (which I somehow don't believe is compulsory). No, it's people and health that matter first, the rest is a bonus.

Some formulas to ponder:

1) If you lose something and look for it, you invariably rarely find it. Then when you look for something else you find it instead.

2) Related, if you finally realise something isn't going to happen then it may do.

3) You only learn to appreciate the good things after you lose them, but rarely get a second chance to get them back and appreciate them.

These imply a form of control. It's not even selective reporting, these seem to apply most of the time to most people and it doesn't make logical sense. It's a very specific form of coincidence, I've just mentioned the three that have been going on this week, but there are many more I hadn't remembered, and implies a system in place that may stop holding us back once we learn how to beat it.
So if you find a formula is operating you then need to find a way to work around it. Buddhists and mystics recognise the 2nd rule as a classic, and train their students not to care about their results in order to succeed in them. Of course it requires higher powers to respond to our thoughts and feelings, and be monitored by them constantly. But they surely don't care about our welfare as although I'm in reasonable health right now and free to type this, and have paid my bills so it all works, it isn't always like this. Multiply that by every other innocent person suffering and it seems like although evidence exists for arrangement, it's a real bastard in charge, unless my powers of recovery are far greater than I realise.

However much my experience tells me it's a random chaos with no more than we see, little messages keep arriving telling me I'm wrong. I decided about Wednesday it was all crap only to be told someone I know has been looked after most of her life by the very entities I'd dismissed from reality. I really need to know either way now as only one possibility can be true. Asuuming there's a long initiation for anyone with aspirations beyond the mundane, I've been on trial a long time, and have hardly missed an ordeal now so am due for some sort of graduation, and should I have failed, then kick me out and finish me off, but the path as far as I'm concerned should be over now or soon enough. I've got auric scars (so they call them) like a map of the world, and believe I should get a conclusion before there's none left. I've passed the stage of teaching the stuff for now, as those who are interested usually know more than me already, and the rest have no interest or hostility. It's just for me at the moment, a personal journey and one I sense should be about over one way or another, pass or fail.
A sign or two would be nice.

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