The bottom line

One thing I’ve discovered is many people react and respond more to the feeling behind what I write than the writing itself. More about that later. But this led me to respond myself and look for answers of my own.
They picked up the reasons for my search, desperation. But at least now the readers and I are together in that I have realised my own motivation as well as them, and there’s no difference between their opinions and my own admission.

So, it’s now clear my search was motivated specifically by two things. One, my own wish to find there was a protection from suffering, and second, that I am not alone. The hundreds of things I’ve read that say a higher intelligence exists and directs and helps us forced me by my own circumstances to go on a mission to see if this was true. Imagine not only being in my house, particularly in my room at night, and finding not only was I being watched, but actually may have someone else with me, even though I couldn’t see them. It was almost as if (had there been a force behind it) my life had become so bad so as to make me do this, being one of the few people determined enough to follow through such a project. Like I believe that…

Alternatives range from the humanistic view, where this is all there is and any belief in more is deluded and childish. This is my personal one which I began with, but both the prospect of it, which meant life is a pretty hostile scenario, and the evidence I do continually find that contradicts it points to something else.
But what have I found? So far, at least, I have found not a scrap of evidence there are either higher powers or, most importantly of all, any benevolent forces. I have though (as described many times) found there is more evidence than would sway any sensible experiment, that there appears to be an arrangement in the way life is. This would require the sort of creative forces only possible by a god-like power, but of a totally neutral and uncaring variety, with apparently no interest in the feelings of the subjects, but solely their situations. Very similar to most alien abductees, they have their agenda, abilities to carry out apparently impossible physical feats such as walking through walls, but having absolutely no interest in (and possibly awareness of) other’s feelings, like true psychopaths.

This would show a very different picture to the spiritual one I searched for evidence of. Instead we have a scenario where we may well not be alone, but watched by furtive and secretive torturers, who refuse to be seen by their subjects and use their absolute control over matter to set up infinitely various situations for us to enjoy or suffer. What they get from it who knows? So maybe the people who report angels and miracles have just been at the ‘top end’ of the random events set up by these sadists and combined the supernatural element with the random positivity they experienced to assume their controllers were good.

My channelled alien last week insisted all these angelic (my term) influences and dimensions existed, and while I can’t avoid the facts the arrangements I’ve seen imply definite influences above us, but far from angelic. If they are omnipotent they rarely bother to help when we haven’t been in a position where human actions can work, but sat back and watched us squirm, like seeing a turtle on its back and not turning it over. Am I to believe power and morals don’t come together, or worse still, they do, but I apparently am unable to understand the convoluted reasons why though able to help us when we can’t help ourselves, usually refuse to. So, despite having unlimited abilities, they watch and either do nothing or set up ridiculous but pointless coincidences most of the time, creating a neutral and often surreal world that, rather than being the spiritual desert many believe, is affected by more but not in a good way.

This leads to the ‘strength through adversity’ argument. In non-religious parlance the devil is not a person, but a way of acting in which you lie in so much truth the lie isn’t noticed. So an argument makes apparent sense unless you look at literally every permutation to find the floor it’s built on doesn’t actually exist. So with this one. ‘You could have a slow and easy development that may work, but why not be pushed through hell and come out better really fast?’. Doesn’t work for me if put that way, and probably you either. But doesn’t strength through adversity sound noble, rather than an excuse for suffering. Besides fairly primitive medical treatments like injections and dental work I can’t think of many more examples where we have to suffer to benefit overall, apart from exams.

The religions promote this view very strongly as well, though the eastern ones say suffering exists but ‘only as an illusion’. Yes, like the illusion of a fucking toothache… please, give people some credit and intelligence. Anyway, having dismissed the total religions of the world (and not for the first time) the Judeo-Christian view of ‘You may suffer but know God is always with you’ is the same as saying ‘Starve but know there’s always a menu’. My life, what total bollocks!’ Yes, I have done my best to analyse these nonsensical utterances with every element of my intelligence, but still come up with the same view. Whichever way you look at it, no, the emperor has no clothes on. They’re not invisible, thin, or any other tut that the tailors in the story claim. No, they simply just aren’t there, and I believe I’ve investigated this issue long and deeply enough to have not a shred of value hiding so deep within it you just have to keep looking to find it.
I will stay open minded though, and allow any new data to change my view. If.

Back to what I said at the beginning, responding to the feeling behind what I write. Positively, in many cases, but I’m going to look at the negative minority as it has been fairly vocal recently. Apparently it’s a possible reaction to perceived vulnerability to respond with hostility. Very playground bully. The ‘I’m all right Jack, if I was in your position I’d sort it out easily’ attitude held by those who seem to think other people’s problems are always easier to solve than their own if only they could see how to do it. But instead of giving no advice beyond basic ‘grow up’s and ‘pull yourself together’s, there are no specific means ever offered, just rudeness.
In my years of counselling training I can say there was no method within the whole profession of humiliating clients to help them. Believing another with a problem you’ve either never had or had and solved is inadequate and deserves to be treated with contempt shows as much about you as a person as your apparently relative success. For physical overcoming of problems is a small element compared to having a heart. If you are like our possible controllers, omnipotent but heartless, you are worth nothing, in fact less than nothing, as having power without a responsible method of using it mean you are better off not existing at all. Jesus actually got this bit right, saying whatever you are, without love you are worthless. In Jewish tradition, it was said by Rabbi Hillel that if you treat others the way you wish to be treated, the rest is commentary. Inside the chaotic and often wild contradictions of religious books, nuggets of good can be found, but hidden in nonsense. Amazingly the exact opposite of the devil! Instead of hiding a bomb in a bunch of flowers, the holy books appear to have hidden a gold nugget in a sewer, so to speak. Those who are aggressive, hostile, holier than thou, critical, judgemental and insulting have not got the point. Their egos have grown at the expense of their hearts. They have become a material and social success, learning and overcoming obvious adversity, and apparently stronger for it. But what have they to show to offer OTHERS? A hard heart and a sharp tongue. No use to me or anyone else. A cruel ruler of tough love- sounds just like what I’ve been on about the whole time- God. But the God of the bible and the Koran, and the one who appears to guide those who move around our lives like rats in an experiment. Sure, they have the power and the knowledge, but NO HEART.

Will I discover more?