Dried up

It's bound to happen, I've got nothing to write about! Duty, time and habit made me come in and write anyway, if I don't maybe the huge numbers of visitors will get bored and go and read blogs with pictures of tramps, detailed analysis of the Iraq war or similar attractions. Last time I did this I wrote (in my opinion) one of my best pieces, so if I've got the chance I'll come along and see what happens.

A blank canvas is in front of me now. The last couple of days have gone in a blur, yesterday I spent basically researching for the TV programme, both checking foreign dates and sorting out a bit of publicity, and also looking up more details about the actual alien abductions. I'm still fiddling around on my painting, it's getting there, but I have to wait for it to dry each time I add new details or they may run into each other. The housework is becoming less pressing as having spent so long here recently it's allowed me to attack the worst of it. Filing has now built up as it does every few months, and I started by chucking out two bags of old papers which had been hanging around for ages. Not as simple as it sounds, as I have to read every item before I decide what to do with it, and what remains then has to be filed.
The people building next door have been there a week longer than intended (if I haven't lost track) and seem nowhere closer to finishing. Three anonymous Europeans who don't speak a word of English have been banging and drilling from 7am 6 days a week, and if I notice a thing different besides the removed fireplace on day one I'll be amazed. Unless you rearrange the walls (no need, but people still do) there's not a lot you can do with these houses besides extending. They've added a new front door, painted everything white from what I can see through the window, and the rest is a mystery. There was nothing wrong with the place before though it could do with a new kitchen. This, apparently, is what passes for excitement round here nowadays.

The one interesting element is the coincidences. After posting the 60s pictures I used the first as my funtrivia avatar, and then found there was a new hippy group there after only seeing one or two in 6 years. Weird. The picture of feltpen with the date on it turned out to be someone's birthday, and though all these are neither positive or negative, they are real. Something is going on behind the scenes, and it's pretty interesting as it gives a possible meaning to life that would otherwise be absent. Richard Dawkins' diatribe against religion, shown over two TV programmes, is pretty much how I see religion, an outmoded and backward extension of primitive witchcraft and superstitions that extends as an anachronistic relic of the distant past that has continued due to fear, comfort and cultural pressures while other parts of society have moved way beyond it. If we lost religion now, we would lose nothing in my view. And we'd gain a lot. People would have to look at their own logic to separate right from wrong, make decisions based on commonsense rather than diktat, and choose partners as they presented themselves, not on restricted grounds.

Besides the fact that unless I am dead and in hell already (not much use as I can't remember how or why), any benevolence implied by a God and religion as God's rules and regulations just does not exist. Life is neutral and can go either way at any time off neutral. There is no balance, if you've been in positive or negative for some time (often through no plan of your own) you tend to stay there rather than experience a balance of both. Unlike films, stories have no morals, no meaning and no happy ending. Life just goes on regardless with no respect for any individual in it.

Mysteries are included. What creates awareness? How did our organs become designed so perfectly? Why do we feel happy? It's not worth looking for answers, we don't need them and would be unlikely to find them in the physical universe. But as well as coincidences there are plenty of areas that tempt the weak into giving a religious explanation, where I would say we don't know, can't know and probably aren't supposed to know. If we appreciate beauty, trying to analyse why is both meaningless, impossible and ruins the experience. We should just accept we do, we don't know why, and enjoy it. But don't invent a creator, worship him, and then let evil human bastards make up ridiculous rules and say they came from him (which many of the rulers don't follow). It's a crock, one people tend to either see or not, and both camps find it impossible to perceive the side of the others. Religion doesn't affect me, except the odd times I meet someone who tries to convert me or insists they have to follow their set of rules as that's their contract with God. But my life is not as it is as I rejected it. Almost my whole family did and each has a perfectly normal life, some up, some down, but not condemned for it. And wait till we die? Bollocks! I use what I have, not what I don't, and all I have is life. My rewards and punishments never take that long to come, and there's no need for yet another chapter to get even more.

My current conclusion is that I would very much like God or a form of higher intelligence to exist. There are clues in coincidences that there is, and the intuition and inspiration many of us get where we know things far beyond our experience points to other creative minds working alongside our own. But if you look at the quality of life, where I'm in one of the best countries and that has elements of Sudan and Rwanda in it despite being one of the most highly developed in the world means any inspiration has to be pretty low level. And even when the few are given revolutionary information that can correct a wrong most people reject it. Most people are damn primitive, and as a result despite being powerful and running the world, huge companies are run by the very people who can destroy it by holding back cheap and effective alternatives in the fields of energy, medicine and technology to keep their profits. Some get through eventually, most are lost for ever. I know people with little scientific training who can visualise 3D vehicles in their head and see exactly how they will perform (proved by making them), explain quantum energy fields, and see solutions to scientific problems. None have any money to follow them up, one had death threats and one was actually attacked to try and get rid of him. The inspired few are repressed by the primitive many. Where God comes into this equation is a guess few would bother to try and make. I know there is higher energy, as it's just what makes us feel good but at a higher degree, as I've been there. That isn't intelligent though, that comes in coincidence and inspiration, and as a final Kingsbury moment, will remind myself that being stuck indoors has allowed my creative forces free rein and if I'd pissed around window shopping and going to coffee shops every day as I did before I may have appeared 'normal' but would have hardly created a thing compared to the pile I have built in reality. If I was forced by the only means known to do my thing, maybe a higher intelligence had a part in it. But not a benevolent one, as there must be many ways of getting me to stay in the house besides the suffering I had that did it. That's my guarantee God is not good, if present at all. Only God and his forces could direct our lives if they are so directed, and would have an infinite choice in methods, and not pick ones that put people through hell, especially as that's meant to be reserved for later (like I believe it anyway!).

Well, I started with nothing to write, how about that?