Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Can someone fix the system?

A new and different day. I won't plan ahead besides to say I have two dates in my diary in the next week and will report as they arrive. But tempting fate isn't a good idea and blogging is about the present and past, not the future.

So in the present I have been busy since my last post. Seen my grandma who is almost back to her old self following the removal of her kidney just over a week ago. Then did quite a bit in the back garden despite a dwindling number of tools (the sort of typical mindless thing the local kids do for no apparent reason). Usual food supplies collected later, though the Coop was already closed I had to go opposite, so I got fewer meals but may benefit from having no crisps, which are not good for my weight. On the fitness front, though the size hasn't reduced I now appear to have a flat stomach for the first time in almost 20 years. I can also lift 2X25kg dumbells the full 8 times, as well as 60kg barbells. This is not a great achievement when you see people half my size (though taller) walk in after a few months at the gym and lift more. But compared to what I started with (7.5 kg dumbells first) I'm doing OK. Though it didn't occur to me to measure my biceps when I started (like who does?) they're now 13". If that means nothing measure your own and tell me what they are in comments. It looks pretty big anyway.
I saw a new picture of the three stages in body building, and according to them after 3 1/2 years I'm in the middle. So unless I double my efforts I can't look like a pro for another 3 years. Blimey! OK, by then I should have no trouble doing 30kg dumbells and 80kg barbells which must have more practical uses than carrying shopping, people may finally notice how I look, which has been something absent since I reached about 16 when everyone grew taller than me.

I am in a cat and mouse game with a woman at the moment, who probably isn't reading this but I'd better be careful in case. Of course I want to shag her brains out but she has given me no clues either way and I really am fed up not wanting to say anything too soon. Of course there's another woman who is also extremely unlikely to read this who's brains I'd like to blow out using my tongue in various locations, and again she has given me even fewer clues, and the next time I see her my move will be made. But for once why am I making all the moves and twists nearly always ending in laughter or disgust on their side? Thinking of the few times women have tried it on with me, of course I only remember a couple of times I turned them down (they were frightening) but accepted the other few simply because I'm a man. But one nearly put me off sex as frankly it's barely worth it with anyone not attractive. It's partly the British reserve, and it means that here the few women who act like men tend to look like them. Any attractive and feminine woman plays the virgin card and acts like she's giving you her soul rather than her body. Bollocks they are. It takes two for sex, and with heterosexuals the numbers engaging are 50-50 even. That means every man who has sex has it with a consenting woman. They are not pure, virginal or anything else. They are just pretending they are special. In a way they are, but holding us to ransom and wasting our time for months being friendly knowing full well they wouldn't go near us if we were the last man on earth is simply taking advantage.

How long can it be that an attractive British woman offers herself to any man who likes her, let alone me? I mean it's been 25 years since I got one by working on it myself, and the one who threw herself at me was a lot longer ago than that. There was one disastrous exception in 1992 where my friends beautiful but brain damaged (I do pick them...) ex girlfriend arrived on my doorstep at work, only for him to grab her back out of sheer jealousy before I laid a finger on her, well on anywhere interesting anyway. And she made my dinner regularly which is something I can't remember anyone else doing more than a couple of times.

I will add I had another dream the other night about an ideal woman. I wonder if that one was to show me not to settle for anyone not like her (as I was about to), but the sheer emptiness of living alone couldn't be better than being with someone who isn't as easygoing as she could be as at 46 how long are you supposed to wait for more and better? I would think the second and much less likely prospect would be far better in the long term, shock and surprise everyone but of the two options understands me far more than I think the other ever could. But for once why can't one of them write this sort of stuff about me for a change? I know women do as I read it. But all I seem to raise in the way of anything positive is a laugh. It may get a few women into bed but money is far better despite not wanting anyone who responded to it. I may be busy on the career front at the moment but there will always be the times in between I would like some female company. Probably about 97.5% of them.

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