Saturday, June 17, 2006

Empty space

My world has been sweeped clear, which is great for the work that I've completed, but there's nothing left when it's done. Just a big empty space with nothing but the same trivia as usual. I have some non-urgent jobs to do, which can wait as scheduled things like my weekly online quiz come first, and tv that is only on live. But though it's nice to be free despite the opportunities to do anything I like there isn't much more than blogging at the moment.

I have tried to encourage two of my email failures so far, will send a form to msn next and leave the last as it's beyond me. But it's now clear they are all dead, which is a right bugger, and shows from maybe five starts getting one finish was lucky. And until that programme is on my TV I won't be certain. Actors get paid whether they are shown or not, but I am doing this to be on TV and money is not an issue. But at least our filming seemed to do what they needed so should go ahead, logically at least.
I also have heard nothing about my latest article, though being a professional (but unpaid) outfit means if the editor's busy he'll let me know either way, rather than just ignore an unsuitable article. If I was writing and filming all the time then there wouldn't be these huge gaps between creation and production, and if it comes off next month's magazine launch will showcase a couple of pieces I wrote for them a year ago.

So, I could be mowing the lawn now (can wait) and I've walked all over the area a few times this week so don't need that, and as the cleaner's coming soon needn't get busy on the housework. 'Normal' people would be spending the time free with a partner or family, and this shows how once everything goes quiet if you're on your own eventually you'll run out of things to do. But until today (OK, yesterday technically) I made up for it. Last week I got enough done to justify any space since. I can even meditate now, but closing my eyes for an hour in the sunshine seems a waste of the rare light while we have it. I'm going to the gym soon anyway which again is scheduled as it closes early at weekends, but when faced with a free day (actually I had an appointment but it was cancelled as they sometimes are) I would really like to see something positive at the end of it for a change rather than piss the time away on the computer and gaining no more than learning the capital of Togo (Lome).

Before I go, on the positive side the angels had a little part in my life this week. Someone I know who doesn't have the internet was talking about my career and fame, and said 'If you're special it may take time but it'll come out eventually'. Now I had said nothing to him about my earlier idea, and like when I decided the purpose of life was to find and keep the magic, which was later spoken word for word in The Secret garden TV series, the message about me being special seemed to remind me however little may be happening now I'm unavoidably on my way to fulfilling whatever potential I have.
That lead to my other discovery, if you know things without learning them officially, it's near on impossible to justify them to others. You just know. Now where this knowledge comes from is a clue in itself, but I've realised now there are many areas I can't justify in an argument, I accept them and don't try and convince anyone else unless I have facts and figures. I just have to know it's the truth and as such maybe others will find it the long way as I found it directly. These things are important as when laws and rules are made based on false assumptions our lives are ruined for no reason. Like cutting carbon dioxide emissions. I just know (though there is plenty of data to show this one) it's utter crap, but as the world's PR system do all they can to convionce the masses of a lie in order to raise taxes and stifle competition the more you repeat a lie, the more people believe it. And my intuition normally tells me so I stand out like an idiot. And even when you're occasionally proved right when someone stumbles across the facts most people forget you were the one who was right all along. It's like when you always do something, you then get told off when you don't do it but never praised when you do. Human nature can be pretty rough at times.

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