Yes, it's late and I'm back, with so little else to do I've time to get more thoughts together here, as many others find, it helps. It's a shame blogger chooses to wait so long to publish posts, as my set still has Saturday as the latest post, which is pretty inefficient.
Anyway, I had a half day off today, and after a little walk up and down the hill (it's almost all hills here but the steep one) am back and a little too early for bed. Especially alone as I always add.
One weird thing last night was I dreamt I had an out of body experience. So, think about it, you're in a dream, go for an oobe, shoot out of your body, float towards the ceiling, along the wall, and are then sucked back into your body lying in bed. Except it was while you were in your own mind and never actually went anywhere, probably.
But it actually felt like I was flying and fairly real. It was more or less what I'd expect it to feel like, and hope it means after years of hoping my awareness is finally loosening from my body and I may soon know the freedom of life without the restrictions of a physical weight.
I haven't meditated for months. Last few times produced nothing and then courses and paperwork took up the time I'd usually do it, and I also have my 'active meditation' where I can be aware of where I am at any time. I've had to prune a few of the less inviting offers I've had recently for the sake of my sanity. I'm past caring who I offend or not as my closest friends can take it and the rest frankly are of little importance to me. Considering people I had as close friends, including having sex with in some female cases, who I discovered on Friends Reunited who ignored me, I'd say the little sidesteps I've had to make to avoid too much on my plate are nothing.
Meanwhile business jogs along while pleasure evaporates. The TV filming number two is all but confirmed for June, my car is on its way to being sold, and my paperwork is up to date. But all work and no play, as they say, though I play, playing with oneself so to speak has never been considered good for you. Talking to yourself follows and who knows where that route ends.
If I was rich, mad (I mean literally thank you) and had no career to lose, I'd put an ad in a major newspaper listing all the single women I like and proposing marriage to the first one on the list who accepts. I guarantee two results. One, I'd get at least an article about me and probably a spot on the news, which would be worth every penny, and two, none of them would accept. But I know who they are, and at least two have this site, so I'll drop some hints and no names.
One has already been asked by me and is having none of it. One would probably laugh so much she'd have a heart attack. One I really don't know her opinion yet. One even I'm not sure about but wouldn't lose the chance if she was interested as the advantages would still outweigh the downsides. One is already in a relationship but if he won't marry her I will, actually I think the tatooed lady is also in a similar position and though we've only exchanged a few words I've seen enough to accept. One is with a friend of mine but he won't marry her whereas I said I would years ago. One is about as suitable as a wooden leg compared to a real one, but I'm running out of time here... One I last saw in 1974, but got back in touch with last year and she looks even better. She's abroad with someone but not married so still gets the call-up. One may not be married, and she was the only mutual relationship I had but her mother sabotaged it before anything really occurred.
I can't imagine complaining if any one of these women said yes and wouldn't ever intend to look elsewhere, but have a preference. The top three would have to be (probably hard to separate without actually trying out first) the one who would laugh, the one who may even be interested and the one who's abroad. She is the only one of the lot besides the last I have a little experience with, and though the one not seen for the longest know enough of her recent self to confirm all her qualities have blossomed very nicely.
I've seen or heard loads of public proposals in the papers or on the radio, but I doubt there have been any using the 'machine gun approach', but practical it is. If I wasn't such a cautious bugger I'd name them all but I have too much to lose. It would make a good TV programme though, fact or fiction. A bit like the people looking for a house but checking out people instead of plumbing. Or people's plumbing. I should be so lucky...