Saturday, April 29, 2006

Fiona again

Drawn compulsively towards the empty envelope on the screen, I felt something had to be said but until I typed wouldn't be revealed to me. So I begin with the same wonderment as if I'm opening an email from a loved one.
Ah, maybe that's it. I received an email yesterday from friends reunited, a rare occurence nowadays, except though this lady clearly has the same impeccable manners as she did in 1969 (she's not British you see...) she hasn't a clue who I am. I sent one back with a list of clues so maybe she won't reply once she remembers.

That wasn't really a loved one and she's 10,000 miles away so big deal, maybe after 46 years the onslaught of Fionas is coming to a point. Each (besides two) has lead me from one rejection or missed opportunity to another, but one thing that has continued is the supply of them. Each just as good as the last. There are celebrities who go on missions for their careers after people with a certain name, so maybe it's something for my social life? It would certainly make the ads stand out, only asking for a special name, and people would notice it. And as there have been so few naff Fionas in my life it's a pretty good gamble any new ones would be well worth meeting.

"Agoraphobic but otherwise functioning male, single, is on a mission to meet the right Fiona for me. All qualities and qualifications irrelevant with right name, North London only"

Romantic? No, neurotic, yes. But it's not the route that matters but the result, and all the normal routes got me nowhere.

Meanwhile, back on Earth, I've emailed the strange woman from the dating site who actually seemed very nice (though not a Fiona) and never phoned me. As I wasn't well I didn't follow her up as there wasn't much point, but now having finally found where I left her details (yes, there's a dating site which doesn't show on search engines!) I emailed her again. I would have thought anyone with the brass neck to say they'd phone and then piss off into the darkness will not come back but at least I've tried.

As for the Fiona, I won't be hearing from her, but as long as she knows out of maybe 200 girls at my primary school she was easily the best I don't really need a reply. Apart from being married and 300 miles away she may have changed a lot from then and though some (one in particular) retain their qualities many more turn into gorgons.

Even if all this had been made up (which it never is, real life beats any fiction when presented well) it would make a good story. I wouldn't be the first person to publish a book from a website, and while I've been typing a couple of pages a day for nearly two years that's easily enough for a full length book. At least I can't say i'll have nothing to do for a while if I take that challenge up, though of course not a penny is likely to come my way from it! But some things are for more than income, in fact in my case nearly all of them. Another reason why 'normal' women avoid me, so I've been told.

If you're going to open a safe it's always better to know the combination than try random numbers for the rest of time. Maybe my problem has been trying to succeed in certain areas without the slightest idea how. I see others do it and assume it 'just happens', when in fact there may be more to it. Every now and then it seemed I may have had it but that was just because I punched in so many numbers a few actually worked. But none held the whole combination.

My only similar experience was learning meditation, where I have to admit having to wait over a year to do so, my curiosity managed to discover bits of it in advance (not much use on their own and no benefit picking it up early seeing as I'd done the course and was unlikely not to be taught it). But that's my nature, but in meditation there are teachers and we never need to work it out ourselves. In other areas some people claim to help, but they just get rich from our misery, like the current prat on LBC saying he can turn ordinary people into Richard Branson by coming to his seminars. There's no single key to success. You need talent, persistence and luck. There are no secret tricks, they just want you to think there are so they can earn lots of money selling you them. They can't guarantee them so can't expect a refund. There is no short cut, but when it comes to women, not even a long cut. They are truly impossible.

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