I've been sweeping the cobwebs from my mind over the last few weeks, fonding so many habits and concepts I'd had were unnecessary and able to be dropped.
I realised besides renewing my annual professional membership I didn't have to impress anyone besides a prospective partner, and then had to analyse which of my personal negative qualities were likely to put them off.
On that front I think there's a sliding scale of opinions, and have to hope if the one who may have ended up with me otherwise isn't put off first by them. I have no concern about what a woman can't do, as it doesn't affect me. It's what they can do and want me to do that has always put me off as that's active not passive. I can't see how anyone not doing things is going to bother someone as they can still do them if they want to. Being pushed to do things I didn't want to and doing them made me claustrophobic in the first place and if that's my worst quality I don't think I'm that bad.
I've also dropped any concern with my own role in the world, and will carry on without thinking about it now. But I also had to drop any possibility there was a higher power guiding us, as if there is it'll show me, otherwise it's pointless to think about it. But I had to look at each of these ideas before I could know what to do, and will continue to with any new stuff that raises itself. Most people are too busy living and don't often stop to think about the whys and reasons unless they're in trouble. Luckily someone else had come across the same phenomenon and wrote an article saying anyone with an interest in something they follow with enthusiasm is told by those who eat, sleep and party to 'get a life'. I think the actual response to them is to 'get a brain'. At least a life can be got but they'll never be able to get a new brain! And their idea of 'a life' only appeals to those who don't have a brain as those who do like to look at the reasons behind things and learn about all the details of their world instead of littering it, fighting it and throwing up over it every week when they get pissed.
The other house clearing I've done was the list of essential nasty jobs I finished last week. What each of us consider nasty is a personal one, and some include seeing people I'd rather not see, which I suppose is pretty universal. Had I slept better last night I'd be in a more upbeat frame of mind, I've got the rest of today more or less free and it's more or less stopped raining, the cleaner's here and whatever she's wearing makes her body look even better than usual, and if she understood more English I'd have to see if she was married or not in case. At least there are no rules about shagging your cleaner...
My Dad had the brainwave to look at our old house online, and I've now seen what it looks like from the inside after 13 years, and hope to arrange a visit as it's the same agent we used. I've now filled my Flickr album with the 200 quota, and really have few more places worth taking to warrant paying for it. I could probably even make a new one in another name but they'd probably do me if they found out and would want to link them anyway as otherwise all my groups couldn't keep up with me.
It's 3pm now, I have few if any plans now though can always carry on with my course essays. Like the blog I'll just see what happens and maybe it'll be more interesting than it seems.