Wednesday, July 19, 2006

A bit quiet at the moment

Getting a quart from a pint pot is more or less what I'm doing in life and here at the moment, though besides not being up to a photo trip due to the continuing viral infection, I didn't actually do a lot different from what I usually do on a Tuesday. I feel better each day, and my neck gland has gone down which is a good sign. And it means a rather unwanted arrangement on Sunday should now go west. 300 people and me covered in huge spots is not a good mix. So possibly a silver lining there.

Otherwise I am waiting to hear from Sky TV for a rough guess on my show's appearance. They didn't come back to film a second scene but I think the presenter had less say over adding to the schedule than it seemed. Tomorrow (unless my client decides to take the risk) is free now, though driving to Hampstead Heath doesn't seem realistic, especially if over 90'. It'll still be there next week. I suspect my filing will finally be emptied out and put away, which is something. Sex and chicken pox won't go well together, but as I wasn't really getting any before that won't really make much difference. Any visitors would be nice but I suppose most people work during the day.

So I'll be trawling my lists for any old jobs I hadn't done (washing the old kitchen items in the boxes comes instantly to mind) and with me doing my half, would be really amazing if the world could provide the other half sometimes as well. Like the girl I met on holiday replying, as well as a few other emails I'm waiting a lot longer than I should be for. I remember my Dad used to let friends from abroad store their crap all over our upstairs rooms, and maybe if I had space could offer it to people for storage just to attract a few new people in. I can't even fit my own clothes and books though, and am desperately looking for ways to clear a few things out but am getting stuck once I reach things in good condition I use. People also give me things like law books, valuable but now I don't even teach don't really need. I have a small bag now ready for the charity shop, but 90% remains indoors.

Unfortunately whatever we do, what we get back isn't related. For example my friend who went abroad didn't do it because of me. He decided to emigrate, left, and the US government said when he probably has to come back. This is a perfect example of how we don't really dictate our own lives. The shit thing is nearly all these random events are against my own interests. If two sides fight any battle, it seems the baddies now win every time. Ken Livingstone, who I happily say is Britain's nastiest character, gets everything he wants at my expense as he is in charge of London. Decisions that affect me are nearly always now made in the negative, and add to this the personal rejections, mainly by women but plenty in the media (which offers far more chances to succeed in the long run) apart from the TV I'd have lost nearly every possible shot I've had for a few years. In fact were it not for the TV doorway in the fence which otherwise surrounds my life I'd really be at rock bottom. Granted nothing followed the first programme, but it is how many people see it that counts the most, and one of these should be seen by many more people.
Otherwise I just chill out, take photos, write to people I met in the 70s and fuck around. But if anyone else who was involuntarily made to live alone, not work and be rejected by every decent woman for 25 years would probably react in a similar way to me. I know a few who have actually, but all it does is make people realise there's nothing they can do about it and pass by. What a waste of a life...

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