Monday, July 31, 2006


Another day another bottom dollar

I’ve often wondered exactly what a bottom dollar is. But to me it sounds good and creates the image of someone pushing out a dollar from their arse, which has to be a positive picture to anyone like me.

Well I was so tired today (chicken pox/gym visit /serious heart disease/ incurable blood disorder/ FK) I think FK is probably the verdict with or without a blood test. As I said, delighted if they find nothing but not in any hurry to look. So I have FA to report besides some positive shifts on the email front. On the internet it’s so much easier to become paranoid, and I realised yesterday I’d waited 4 weeks for a reply from someone and realised it was my turn. I just didn’t check. So easily done and she probably thinks now I don’t care. So easy to get the wrong messages. But you learn the system and adapt.

As on many Mondays, I take the liberty (based on my diary) to look ahead. More so as sod all else has happened. I’m free outside a few work appointments so far, and will begin more TV date enquiries which may provide a date in one case. I have also a second date pencilled in after the last so I clearly haven’t done that badly despite not getting much of a response but that was hardly a surprise considering how rare men speak out and tell women how they feel. She probably almost had a heart attack when I told her though skated over the comment just as slickly as any cabinet minister questioned by Jeremy Paxman. But the fact she’s still around is the best indirect answer I could have hoped for.

The trouble is now my main concern is returning my health. Whatever it takes will do and the fact I felt OK later yesterday means it’s possible. Now it’s clear to all I’m one of those people who sees the worst possible outcomes in any situation, especially my own health, and also know most of the afflictions intimately from a library I began as soon as I could read with a book my parents had. Persistent unexplained tiredness can be one of many insidious and usually untreatable conditions but also long term exhaustion. I certainly have had all it took for that, but it won’t shift, though a dose of virus could quite logically still be causing it. I can only wait and see.

I don’t want it to repeat itself every week! Same routine with or without extra stress, little or no good news and end up where I was 7 days ago. Out of our hands, miracles are. It doesn’t take a lot. A knife’s edge situation most times. So many decisions, so few that go my way. We got a London mayor, and then not once but twice it was Ken Livingstone, the reincarnation of Stalin but without the sense of humour. We passed Maastricht by one vote. Each one of these life changing decisions was so close it was touch and go till the votes were counted. Same with my life. Thank god I had just enough sense to add enough marks per exam to pass all of them first or second time. That was up to me. But passing a female’s exam doesn’t require lessons or revision. My friend applied for visas for America that needed two years of advice to apply for, and even then it was one of the less easy ones to not only get but renew, both of which he got easily. The best decision was my cat’s to come back for food the second time running after she ate another cat’s food I left out for him. But animals are usually sensible and logical. They know who to trust a lot better than we do, I’ve been let down by more than enough people (including my own mother) so have hardly a very good track record for predicting other’s actions. I don’t even expect the worst, I expect nothing. I’ve even tripped up academics and experts often enough to see they knew enough to pass their exams but not understand everything they work at. That’s not my education, that’s my native intuition. I have a few little tests even I am amazed work but are not suitable for the internet. It just proves we know many things naturally before we’ve learnt the evidence for them. Even my counselling is based on native logic which I honed by study. But I knew what to do and the weirdest thing is people have come to me with their problems since I was 13.

So not just me, but people who hardly know me come up to me and say they just know I’ll be able to help, and certainly don’t know it’s my job. That, evidence wise, does prove the ability should be universal as they are doing exactly what I do, knowing something intuitively. The academic world can’t handle it, they say ‘prove it’ and I rarely can. This goes above and beyond science, it’s a level of knowing reported by many mystics and anathema to science who believe it should be impossible. What else could be possible? People in other dimensions telling us this stuff? We don’t directly access the Akashic records but get a go between who is literally our spirit guide, not to protect us (that would only happen in heaven) but teach us stuff we can’t learn here or may take far too long? But if they already know it why not just tell us the lot and save us working it out? Let’s cut the corners if they aren’t really there and let us reach our true potential. Start with my health and then why I’m alone, then life outside our dimensions and finally enlightenment. Something more than the known is real, but how much more will I be able to find out?

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