Tuesday, July 25, 2006


Besides sharing and hopefully entertaing people I realised writing here is doing exactly the same as therapy with no one to answer. I work things out myself. For instance since I haven't had a job, I imagined each other thing I did was to compensate for it, so what happens, I can't do a thing in the end. Then I look back and saw things I did that were easy didn't appear to count unless they were a challenge. Like in my degree some exams were like I'd lifted 100 kilos to pass, others seemed like a quick press up to get even better marks. It's a human twist that we often don't feel we've done well unless it was bloody difficult, so what happens, we get bloody difficult situations until it ruins our health and we realise the trap we've fallen in.
I've got nothing to prove, and only one woman to prove it to, if she wants me. Whoever she may be. But I must learn not to see anything I do as representing any more value than itself as we are only capable of doing what we can when we can, and as one theory says just being human is the hardest thing we can do.

Today went well actually, I did my first (single) trip to the shops since the spots came out over a week ago with no real effort, and have had enough time to start the other little jobs indoors that need doing with no pressure. Otherwise I will just carry on and not expect anything either way. One thing I have stopped trying to teach anyone anything besides my clients who come to be helped. Learning new tricks myself is enough, and it's a miracle if and when anything helps me, it's not my job to lecture the world in how to live with less stress, if they want to know they'll have to ask me first.
So now I can do some quizzes, send some money to pay my bills (those gas prices have become criminal) and I'm now paying the same in the summer as I used to pay for the winter. Any extra money I get will just go to pay the gas bills now. I was meant to be working now but someone has the flu, so it's the computer for me. The hot weather and my succession of visitors who would belong quite happily in the Miss World parade has turned my mind to kinky sex. Like the usual but with tomato sauce, metaphorically speaking.

My fear of rejection reaches just far enough not to mention details here. If anyone actually cares what I like doing (as do most women) they can ask me privately, but I'd sure rather be doing it now than blogging. I have an old friend who I tested it all out on many years ago and she still pops round occasionally for some practice, but I need more than that. I will add I am that aware of women's erogenous zones I make a point of making them enjoy the experience and get much of my pleasure from theirs. Tantra knows all this lot and Barry Long is one place to read if you want to know more, he also taught Nick Roach so has quite a bit of authority. He missed a few of my favourite aspects but others make up for it in their teachings. I could happily start a second blog devoted to nothing else but besides being incredibly repetitive it wouldn't fulfil the actual practical side, though hopefully it would inspire some more people to add some adventure to their routine.

Despite dropping various ambitions, should the unimaginable happen and the mass media take me seriously, I'd be very happy to sit on Parkinson talking about sex play and making fart jokes. I always wanted to address the world with anything I can say or do, and of course potentially I am now, all 50 of you (excepting repeat visits per day). That would be all 8 of you apparently but the figures go over my head. I have taboos even Frank Skinner and Chubby Brown haven't introduced into their routines I'd be only to happy to release on TV or Wembley Stadium (if it opens), I may get lynched for it but I'll die both famous and inspire millions of couples to discover a lot more about what nature provided for us but we tend to pass over. Well I don't, but I was taught by experts myself. I think Havelock Ellis covered many of these decades ago but remained within the professional area and pretty much ignored by the public. But know it or not, all this is available to everyone now if they know where to look. Trust me, it's worth the trip!

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