Friday, July 07, 2006

Patience Timothy...

Actually I've got sod all to do besides nasty paperwork so I'm back here. Maybe it'll give me an idea what to do rather than give up altogether. Since my last entry there have only been 8 hits, so I can't expect many comments until anyone's actually been in to read. My politically incorrect piece may have done for a few readers (like every word of it wasn't true, but how many people like the truth?), but if I don't say it few will.

Work aside (ie lack of it) none of these dead situations would occur if I wasn't living alone. It's like a punishment for nothing, and shouldn't be possible in a civilised world, there would be some official way round it where single people were able to go to an agency and pick another to share with, even if just for a day or two a week. But no, we continue isolated and uncaring as long as we've got someone. If unlike tenants we could keep meeting people until we decided one was ok, with no financial pressure to make you accept almost anyone, and have longer to decide and get to know each other as well as just a few minutes as with a tenant.

So while I sit here and complain, I will add that all four of my emails arrived, each after a reminder or two from me. People are just busy and though one or two may never have replied if I hadn't nagged, it's only manners and everyone has to think of others however busy they are. Microsoft now say they are overloaded with inquiries (millions of people were caught with their download) so we will have to wait, but as long as they can see to it I'm ok. And the trouble is I don't want the limited time I have on earth to rush away until the next good news. But the time in between is so trivial at the moment. OK, I can take photos but there are only so many places around here worth taking, and I can paint, but the gallery can't sell what I've done already. It's about balance, between what you can do on your own and others, and mine's all on my own. So my mind wastes energy wondering: What on earth can my friend's problems be in America? I feel like a bookmaker, thinking of the odds on every possible outcome: Is it

Someone's health (unlikely as he'd have told me)
Financial (most likely, won't affect much this end)
Fraud (someone in his business fiddling the profits) seems pretty possible, and that would involve a lot of time and nothing to do with his plans of staying
Visa- would only apply if they got an appeal (which I doubt) or they'd just have to come back
The other ideas are so outlandish I can only do what you do when a soap episode finishes in mid air on a Friday, and you have the whole weekend to wonder what happened.
One of the kids has got into trouble
Marriage problems (best marriage I know, so unlikely)

I'd say 85% money, 15% something beyond anything I can imagine, but it could be a year before he pulls his finger out and says what it is. But it's their fault for keeping me in the dark for 7 months, what would anyone do but try and fill in the gaps?

So otherwise, as you can tell, I'm a bit fed up today. Anticlimaxes are the theme of the week/last 20 years. A little excitement every few months, and then normal, like everyone else. But what a normal. Each day a challenge to fill, and health often inadequate to do more than basics. Being forced to stay at home and create has been the making of many great artists, so fair enough, but my sanity can't be compromised as a result. It's not natural to spend so little time with other people. Can you imagine Big Brother with one person with a visitor every few days? Well that's mine, but it lasts forever. No diary room as there's no one there to talk to. Just me, the TV and the computer for the nearest contacts I can have with the outside world. So if it gets to me sometimes it means I'm human. If you think I complain too much imagine 14 years alone in a house and no chance of it changing, and you wouldn't like to swap your life for it for very long either.

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