Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Oi, look at this!

As if controlled by an outside force, my life moves in strange twists and turns totally beyond my control. I catch a virus then I get a visitor. I have no say for either, one good and one bad, like Lucy the cat they turn up when they choose and the only element with Lucy was whether I fed her, which technically is no choice at all if a cat chooses to live with you. But the weird thing is though I have now been told of predictions of fate years in advance, even seeing events ahead, via an alteration in what we would call time, doesn't make any of those events apparently meaningful.
Today I admit to learning a few lessons. One, don't let any woman you see socially think it's just going to be as friends. If you want them you have to make it clear from day one or they just let it drift until you make a move and they tell you to piss off. And then I had to learn patience, in that once I'd sent my message was told whatever the outcome I'd have to wait. If you saw what I'd be waiting for you'd understand how the lesson was well taken, as if there's a chance I'll win the prize I will wait a long time.

Delay is a feature in my life which can't be any more than others surely, but drives me up the fucking wall at times. Especially when there's no time scale. At present I have vague ones for the TV (1 and 6 months or so, officially at least) probable for my friend's return to England (almost 3 years so that's a dead in the water), none for the female interest and literally nothing else seen in advance. The email replies have again either not arrived or taken much longer than expected, none are very important but it's bloody annoying when simple questions take weeks or more to be answered. Microsoft are easily the worst as their last reply was automated and though took a couple of weeks all they did was fire a prepared email saying the same as the one I'd replied to, ie 'It's nothing to do with us'. It is! After they told me on the phone my error message was an error, then it's down to them to fix it. They'll get their karma. Bastards.

So looking ahead has to go out the window. I must focus on now and ignore any silly stuff I can't predict or deal with until and unless it happens. Otherwise I wonder if I went out of my way to offend people I could do worse than I do when I'm not trying. I also reckon the fact most of the blogs I read have dried up besides one who never comments here anyway means I don't have any reminders that I'm around like I used to. Most of the blogs left are such crap I struggle even finding a post from 2006. Though it's free and fun most bloggers here have long since given up, and besides the few on my links turn out teenage crap (regardless of actual age), links and reviews of stuff I can read about anywhere else or see in the shops. I too could do a toothpaste review (3 types of Colgate, plusses and minusses) but the closest I got was in English class where we had to do such stuff to practice our reporting skills. Vagina reviews would be preferable but would require at least one vagina in order to do so, and then I'd be unlikely to have so much time to blog anyway. What would most men prefer to do?

Yes, I love vulgarity. Not rude words, I picked that up here, I rarely do in person. But pure filth, as taught by my mum's friends when at an early age, is my territory. Fanny farts, wet fanny farts, vaginal deodorants, skid marks, anal inspections, follow throughs, enemas, suppositories, trouser coughs, premature ejaculation, stress incontinence, bowel movements, excreta, dung, droppings, dog's business, piles, weeping piles, pendulous labia, embarrassing itching, threadworms, light spotting and discharge. That's my kind of filth. Where there's muck there's laughs. Manure, mucus, meconium (look it up), snot, smegma, phlegm and pre-ejaculate. It's all here and if being politically incorrect didn't put everyone off I'm sure this will finish the job I started. Who knows, that or make me a folk hero. Fucked if I know either way...

2 comments:

mandelbrotset said...

Oh David, that was fucking beautiful.....

David said...

Wow M, you've been reading through thoroughly, glad you were impressed. If only we could write this sort of stuff on FT, we'd probably double the membership!