Saturday, October 21, 2006

Dregs and leavings

Because I'm off soon I had to do this regardless. A challenge. But last week was more productive than half the year so I'm not complaining. Business related, things happened the right way and I wasn't really tired since the weekend. I slept well so it's clearly connected. A good starting point. So far (not that it makes much difference) I have run out of plans for now. The photos are running out, repeating themes and places but had to be taken before the light went in November for months. No mornings for me. I will hopefully meditate to fill any gaps as it seems to be working better now. Sometimes I look at everything as if in an obituary, everyone is the same. It can happen at any time, only the odds change, and if anyone stopped now, what would it say?

In my case I have missed too many things to stop now, if I had a say in it. Anyone who even goes back a few entries will see what I missed most, and all the other things will follow. I had aims and covered half of them maybe, and some are impossible but the challenge is finding if so or not. Like all the psychic powers I hope are real. What about the anti-obituary? He didn't do this... The woman who should be named and shamed didn't reply (maybe she has gone somewhere with no computer for a while but in fact she's just blown me out), all the other women I missed out, the 200 or so countries I haven't visited, the celebrities I'd liked to meet, on and on. These create my plans and ambitions for the future, but long term. Short term like someone who has lost their glasses I can only see a few minutes ahead of me if that. I really need to make the most of the freedom and if anyone comes in to help all the better. They rarely do.

I have some major writing projects if I'm stuck, which at least will have a manuscript for my lifetime which some naive publisher may risk investing in one day. But it'll use up a lot of time but eventually be worth it even if never used. And the two women still around are subject to my next moves like a world chess final, one bad move and it's all gone. But unlike chess each player has an even chance of women. These women already know what they want, I just don't know it. My moves simply raise it to the surface sooner or later and like the Spanish waste of time move on and eliminate most of the time. Well, all of it till now. As they say in these parts it's a real pisser. I've given more people my websites this week but as yet had no bites. Most people still prefer the real world to online but I see it as another dimension of the same world. And my largest audience which I have always wanted. What the audience actually wants is a mystery except maybe all blogs have lost readers as people get bored and look elsewhere. But a diary is always the best way to see into a person and that'll never wear off for me.

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