Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Life as I know it

I do now realise I am not guilty for all the things I haven't been able to do, or had to delay recently. I did all I could and no one can be expected to do more, and saw I can push official boundaries which I was terrified to do until given no choice. Now I have to learn to say no to peoples' requests which I accept not to offend them and waste half a day as a result. If someone's harmless and nice to me I really don't know how to say 'I don't want to do that, it's boring me silly'. What can you say when someone who bores for England and wins the cup every four years invites you over for a personal performance? I will have to work on that, it's time I did as my energy is no longer enough to suffer these ordeals and there's no reason why I should.

Otherwise I am in a routine which changes less than any other I've come across. Given a situation where I make the best of a little opportunity there's little else I can do. I remember a past where I had everything but a degree (I was a teenager after all) and alternated with and without a girlfriend. Now I have the degree and a house and that's it. All the people have done what they do to everyone when they leave home/get kicked out. Leave them to their own devices. My device gathers dust where I sit and comes out only for special occasions when an ex girlfriend can't do without what she became used to. If you take any husband and remove his wife I expect he would feel much as I do. It's normal. I had no wife so I have to go back further to my family, which was split in two in 1981 and like a stool limped along on two legs instead of being steady on three. Then it was left with one and I hop until I find another pair of legs to make it stable again. And they have to fit with mine, not just any old pair thank you.

Maybe tomorrow I'll take some photos, I looked around the map and have a few more trips set up, and I've also finally completed my shopping requirements, the last via the internet. The diary has been busy compared to the last couple of weeks, including some dreadful arrangements but nothing unusual I'm not used to. Maybe that's one cause of homicide, then ultimate solution. In comparison telling someone to get lost doesn't sound so heartless...
You can see why I resort to the supernatural, anything has to be an escape to reality and it isn't all a load of crap. So far despite existing none makes much difference to life, I can find out information before I'm told but it's not actually useful. One piece of crap I'll leave you with is from a couple of people who said they could bend metal like Uri Geller but didn't see the point. It's attitudes like that that keep us in the dark ages. Unless they're lying about being able to...

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