Sunday, October 29, 2006

Never on Sunday

I think this will be a combination of what I’ve done and what I want to do. I’ve become aware it’s almost impossible to sort out all areas in life, whatever you achieve something irritating comes along and needs sorting out. I imagined so many things would protect me from that. A degree, a wife, a masters degree, a profession and even things like an out of body experience. Having completed some of this list they do help, but only cover one area of life while still leaving others unprotected. You can’t cover it all but at least try and cover as much as possible. But at my age although I have completed an adequate amount of achievements, the degree, house and year-plus long meditation course, it can still be shit. OK, I know the score a lot better now and see without the right people around you can have everything and do nothing with it. I was asked the obvious question the other day, if you understand so much does it actually help you? I have no idea. It saves me wasting time chasing pointless aims, but far more helps other people who are so far off the mark my insights move them a lot further in one go so they can see a difference.

But for me it’s a typical situation of knowing a lot and being able to do very little. I don’t argue with girlfriends, but I don’t have any. I am able to teach many by writing articles, don’t earn a penny from it, and doubt it will ever make a difference to my professional career. Remember, I don’t just write about life and philosophy off the top of my head.. I’m qualified as a psychotherapist and see much of what I write about directly and also have to deal with it directly. I try and test my ideas in reality and they work. But if you look at any successful self help expert, I doubt many are immune to life as it is. If you know a heck of a lot but are still put in a position in life with holes in it the problem is most of what we teach is how to deal with what you have, not get what you haven’t. It stops you screwing up on the path of success by falling into traps, but in no way can achieve the impossible. As witchcraft says, nothing they do can interfere with others’ free will, and getting others to follow ours is not really realistic. That’s why slavery was abolished (except in Eastern European gangs) and it really isn’t possible to make others follow your wishes like sheep. We neither know what others want till they tell us, and what we think may impress them or annoy them often is really covered by something totally different as they see it in a different way. Just like an exam. Any area where we are judged by others can’t be manipulated without inside information as we simply don’t know what impresses others. So we can only be ourselves and do it well.

So meanwhile I have lost what could have been my best chance at success by a woman who finally ran out of patience with me. I imagined after coming back for more after being treated badly (I was only 14) only to be ignored again has now totally got her revenge (stupid bitch, it doesn’t work like that) by doing it back to me. That is pride and loses us everything if operated. Just because you have a chance to get someone back, if you lose something better you are an arse. And unless her time is so occupied that she couldn’t email me till the weekend (and they’ll find a cure for cancer) she’s exercised the easy way out by believing by doing the same to me as I did to her 22 years ago (the second time) she will satisfy her pride, and also fuck up my life and possibly her own if she is still single. But as I expect her to be shacked up with an unemployed tattooed criminal of course he’d probably kill her if she did reply and anyway she’s happy with her new model having clearly got far less from her dream marriage than she expected. That showed me how like all other animals people can be tame or wild, and women prefer the wild physically at least. Reforming criminals involves domesticating them, and that’s why many never go back as they have evolved beyond it. And us house cats still have to suffer living in a world with violent fundamentalists, mad fundamentalists and individual and organised criminals. The child vandals on buses who write on the walls in full view and then destroy the glass shelters are untamed savages. They are as close to normal educated humans as a lion, in fact a tame lion is closer to us than they are. Unless mentally ill all are capable of reform, but until they do (the minority) us nice people have to share our suburbs and cities alike with an element of savagery. They don’t intimidate me but just repel me. The thick arses they film and show getting drunk on the news every week are not just wild but thick as shit. If you get drunk and ill once certainly in my case I never did again. These stupid fuckers do it every week. And my ex almost girlfriend may possibly prefer one to me as they are so ‘exciting’ compared to people who can invent bifocal glasses and discover relativity. I give up…

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