After moaning for most of the last two plus years, usually with good reason, I wanted to write about the good things in my life. I thought about it for a while and only came up with one thing, meeting people. That is the only decent part of my life now. Every now and then I meet someone new and Big Brother taught me to appreciate everyone I meet for being unique as it’s not that easy meeting people directly compared to online or other remote ways. Sadly the other good things were nostalgic, ie gone, so don’t count. I have my meditation as well, when it works and when I do it, and the rest are material assets, needs rather than wants, that just allow me to survive in civilised conditions. So far not one of these people has become a regular friend, but that will happen if the conditions are right.
Other potential is my halting TV career, but it’s a long drawn out process and pretty unpredictable.
So having established the little positive I can squeeze out of the stone I call life, what else is left? A routine designed to occupy my idle mind and body to stop me totally becoming a recluse. I actually have little against being a recluse, it’s both other people who criticise and required activities I’m forced to do but would rather not, or get others to do for me. I’ve had half a life (using actuarial figures) of activity and worn out that need almost totally. There’s little new or fascinating left out there any more. And with broadband much of the world is in my office. Maybe there’s a website for recluses, and I won’t have to constantly make excuses for myself as they’ll understand. The world, certainly the urban one, has stopped being civilised. Traffic jams, parking restrictions and crappy shops which are repeated every two miles and in America, dodgy kids and illegal immigrants hanging about, incredible unregulated densities of new buildings, ridiculous queues, closed hospitals, and any other aspect of cities I’ve missed have made staying at home an art form in avoidance. There’s little out there worth seeing, and when I visit places from my past half have no parking, and the others just keep their atmosphere. But I know no one left there, I can walk around old roads and shops but none of the people are there I knew. An empty illusion of the past with little connection in reality.
The only crime I’ve ever been guilty of is avoiding pain, in my case including hard work. That didn’t mean I managed it until recently, and that wasn’t my choice but the people who rejected all my applications. I don’t believe that in itself is wrong as labour saving is a technology in itself designed to make our lives better not worse. Hard work is for the uncivilised, any real work that has to be done should be limited per week but in fact the worst jobs usually have the longest hours as well. Pardon me for not wanting to join in. I aimed to become a sheep and due to 1000 circumstances was only allowed in the flock for a few months. I never returned since 1989 and no loss to me. 8 years later and my work career was over, possibly permanently. Currently worldwide the dropouts amount to very few, a percentage probably in the .001s. Few understand us and even fewer approve, but I made it, almost inevitably, having had a fear of being out of my depth workwise since infants school. Being married and looking after the children is my only possible compromise that will suit everyone. OK, sooner or later I will probably become immune to the world of work but that will be marginal and possibly not permanent as the capital slowly uses up. And that’s not even guaranteed so not worth thinking about. Only now. And my only possible project is to meet other dropouts and promote our cause. Better than being persecuted for it.