Tuesday, December 13, 2005


Time and space can be a mixed blessing. The first time I had it all was the 9 month gap between O and A levels, and though I had a moped for transport and the time to do whatever I wanted, within a few weeks I was fed up as everyone else was at school and my parents were at work. Unless I was with other people there wasn't that much to do on my own. I'm in a similar position now, but potentially eternal. I have far more resources but the same position, and no one coming home in the evening either. Simply looking after a house forces you to spend some of the time doing that, but otherwise if there's no regular job or friends or family around the spare time expands so much you have to be a bit of a wizard to make it all count. If you're working you spend lots of time thinking what you'd do if you weren't, and usually have less time available than you want for it so never run out of steam, alone or not. I did decide long ago we can only make the best of the cards we've been dealt, so I've made an art of using my time as fully as possible, but it took time to do so. And that's where I need the inspiration. I was given inspiration to get a digital camera after being linked to some other local sites in a forum, and now I need some more as I can't just work on a single issue for the forseeable future. This is one element that comes on its own, with no outside control from me, so I'm calling upon the inspiration fairies just in case any of these prayers/bollocks I write are ever listened to.

I've mentioned before things in life you have to work around and things you can work to shift directly or indirectly. People are the toughest to control as like animals they come and go as they please. As we don't cage our friends and relatives as we do with many animals (not our budgies, who spent the day flying around the house and depositing budgie poo poo down the back of every picture they perched on) there are no constraints on them at all to bring any into my empty life. I can control directly what I say, write, create and where I am more or less, so concentrate on that. Indirectly I can control how much work I do (by networking, advertising etc) and most other business matters, but otherwise life flows independently from me.

I was just thinking if the non-dual view is true, this is how it really is:

Of course this is a dream. Now I know this there is both nobody else here, but everything about me is part of it. My body is just another in it, and my awareness is all that creates it all, as what else is there?

Other implications are that it also means my mind is way beyond what I believed it was. It can do maths and physics and create amazing scenery, TV comedies and every other creation in the universe. My apparently personal mind has only given itself a limited collection of abilities, so it can interact with others and have some connections in the dream, making it appear more it's not all me. But ultimately all others are there to entertain an otherwise lonely existence as the one. Clues it's my dream increase with enquiry. Coincidences and synchronicities allow the creator to bunch a few totally random events in little groups to show there's a plan behind it, but not too many or it'll become obvious and predictable. Like it or not, if that's the case, I'm talking to myself as well now and that's the only truth.

Well, back to the substance of the dream. I have made a few new friends that are drifting into my life gradually. No single regular one as before, but as long as more of my time is spent with friends I'm happy. I also discovered some of human nature is still good as my mobile phone left my person (for the first time in about 13 years) yesterday, and unless contacted by a finder would lose (worse than buying a cheap new one) all my data on the sim card. My father and I phoned it a number of times, and as I was about to cancel it he kept trying and someone answered!
I had it back within 4 hours and a very nice and decent lady now has a pot of flowers as s souvenir of her honesty and decency. I have found items all my life and always either returned them to the address given, and if not the police (who never got the stuff recovered so I got a couple of items). I won't put the phone in my jacket pocket again though...
I also just finished a Sunday Tines prize crossword for a change which will be sent to vie with thousands of others for a free pen. I also gave my main URL to someone at the community centre, so if you're reading, hello! Tell me if you found this!

So, going with the flow I am engaged in painting, taking photos and doing my course until things change. It's just enough but more (via the routes I can't control) would be nice. Please?

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