Saturday, January 14, 2006

A bit of fun

Jodie Marsh's artificial parts aside, I realised it was time there was a bit of contrast here or I'll have all my readers looking for a gun...

Looking back to childhood, or the part of childhood (probably about 75%) of me that is still within me, there were many simple things that fascinated and amused me, and to that 75% degree, probably still do. Rude words always worked, not the swear words but the nursery ones, poopoo, biggys, jobs and the like. Reminds me of the recent story from one of my mum's friends when asked by a Nigerian nurse waiting for a stool sample 'Have you had a shit yet?' and replied 'We like to call it something else here, like bowel action'. I don't care what you call it, it's usually funny.

Animals depositing such presents indoors was also highly amusing, whether it was a visiting dog or a friend's cat, like when I was about 14 and my friend's brother walked in the room and said 'The fucking cat's shit in the basin again!'. Life just going slightly out of control for a moment before slipping back to normal. No fun now, as it's usually me who has to clear it up, but back then we could witness it all without a care in the world. Not to say my life's driven by lavatory humour and other bodily functions, at least, not totally. But nature apparently introduced some humour into its unavoidable processes, though most women seem totally immune to it. But this isn't supposed to be yet another psychoanalysis session, though without an outside influence reminding me what I'm writing about it's so easy to slip into it.

We had a great game when I was a bit older, who could make me laugh the most. My friends would think of words and then time how long I laughed for. The two top winners were anal hamburgers and hairy wilburs. Go figure. So what else does the job? When you see anyone you thought was straight and dead boring and then catch them laughing at a fart or blowing their nose on their sleeve. It means they're human, and maybe more people I thought were deadly dull actually had a hidden fun loving side after all if they did.

Other choice phrases that crack me up are things like road apples, donkey drops (bowling in cricket so the ball drops slowly in front of you as if it's come out of a donkey's arse), as well as playground songs like 'It's wet and it's runny and it's not very funny, diarrhea, diarrhea'. To conclude, I will try the laugh test. Be honest, how many of these got at least a snigger, if not a complete hearty belly laugh? If the answer's quite a few, join the poopoo club!

Motions, horse's motions, business, runny business, very runny business, plop plops, horse's plop plop's, donkey dung, caca, pony and trap, budgie poopoo, pigeon poopoo, excreta, droppings, pony cack, mucus, enemas, suppositories, back-scuttle, trots, stinky-poos, let-offs, windy bottoms, loose motions, faeces, big jobs, air biscuit, make wind, winkle, willy, knob, horse's hang-down, whoopsies, pisspots, loo seats, toilet rolls, rectums, number twos, ladies front bottom, smegma, and don't forget to pull the chain.

Apparently I've always been an attention-seeking exhibitionist. My aunty recently told me when I was about 3 her parents were over and busy talking, and I took my willy out and said 'Look at my penis!' as no-one was taking any notice of me. Little has changed, just other things have (usually) taken the place of my penis. You can't escape the mould, however hard you pretend you have.

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