Saturday, January 07, 2006


My budding journalistic abilities are being stretched now, as there's nothing really to report for the last few days besides continuing kitchen work and some of my own, but if I was to take Liz Jones's place as a reporter of life's weekly or more frequent events I'd have to find something every week whatever happened. Now on a related tack, all Liz's marriage problems have led me to decide (and I hope she's reading this, which is possible) I would happily replace the existing man in her life and appreciate her fully. She's great looking, knows how to look after a man, caring and intelligent, and I'm far closer to her age range than her existing man, and would fully appreciate her unlike him, who says he's never been happy while married to her. Silly bugger.

So back to my own report, the kitchen may or not be finished tomorrow. The drawers, as expected, were refunded, but not the cabinet. They squeezed one unit behind the fridge, so it has more storage but can't open the door to get to it. The other spare unit is sitting like a superfluous rectum in the middle of the spare room with no doors or top with, like a second bowel, no apparent usage. Anyway, the convenience of ordering online has to be tempered by the later inconvenience of fucking up the design as you couldn't see the units directly, but that's life.
Otherwise the 'system', as it stands, moves on. A few people I emailed on my previous report haven't and won't reply now. One more is in the process of reading what I sent so that'll wait for a while. I'm calling the TV person next week as I said, which is the big one. Two experts we asked to witness the next alien abductee regression were too busy, and my subject has just invited Uri Geller of all people to come instead. Now I know many things are possible, but if Uri actually comes here to watch someone channeling an alien 90 light years away I will be very impressed and surprised. And yes, I have met him twice already, if you haven't read my celebrity page, so will manage if he can't make it this time!

Well, that's all the Kingsbury news from this week, the gym remains for body building and not a sex life as far as I can tell, though funnily enough after telling people the gym looked like the big brother house (there is a picture months ago but am I going to look for it here?...) and now they've just included one there yesterday. I wanted the people there to try and do a reality programme following us all around for a while watching us do whatever we do, watching the football in the bar on a Sunday afternoon, having tea outside in the summer and whatever else happens there. And the evening events would be just right to have a big brother evening, where the bar is divided up into its two halves and the people in each are given a meal and tasks to do for various rewards while being filmed on a video camera. The place is a very similar design with wall length patio doors and they have already had a blind date evening copying the late TV programme's format, so maybe my suggestion will be picked up when I see one of the bosses next week. And certainly a way to get to know people. This would be a good idea generally for any party but with people deliberately invited who haven't met each other before. It's such an obvious idea it must have been done already but as I haven't come across it maybe I am the first one to think of it.

Anyway, I ran out of philosophy already this week, after supplying more material in a week on it than I usually do in a month. The gate was just open. I'm looking forward to putting everything back in the new cupboards, most are in but with no doors or handles, so I can't yet as they're working on them and they'll get full of sawdust. The old wall and tiles look like shit now, and if I can afford it will have new tiles stuck on the old ones, but the wall's artexed heavily and that's expensive to remove so may just get a coat of paint for now. And if some woman is so impressed by it all she has to come and cook in it, all the better!

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