Thursday, January 05, 2006

Comparing lives

I've been reading some blogs which give the distinct impression people do a lot more than I do in the going out department. I ought to do myself justice as most are probably at least ten years younger than me, but can't always help feeling a bit outcast as I am far happier with the quiet life than I used to, and worry some may see me as inadequate. My grandma's posse say I won't meet anyone if I don't go anywhere, which rubs it in as well, but technically at 45 there isn't any particular place to meet anyone besides speed dating, and I meet plenty of pretty impressive women anyway who are either taken or don't want to know. There aren't any easy ways to meet women, and blitzing the dating sites as I do is as good a way as any other where you also have to give up at least an evening and large sum of money, or a whole term if joining a class.
I've been there, done that, and see no opportunities for anything to happen besides pure chance. People go to every event either to learn something or to have fun. Unless it's a singles event (thin on the ground and populated by weirdos) people don't join groups to meet partners. You start off sussing out the women, then eliminate one by ones the ones who are taken, then find the single ones either live in Maidstone or look like Giant Haystacks (before he died, that is). I went to a class for a couple of terms a few years ago, met some good friends there but not a sniff of action besides one woman who may well have been a winner had I not met someone else just after I got her number, and also lived so far away. But there's a chance you can pull at a funeral, interview or any other place where you meet new people. I've met lovely women at both, but can't either keep applying for courses or jobs to pull at interviews or wait for people to die to mingle with the sandwiches afterwards at a funeral looking for a likely target. You can't engineer these things, they just happen by chance, unlike my grandma's view, like my friend in New York's mother, who almost believes, exactly like my grandma, if Ray Charles tried hard enough, maybe he actually could see.

So, there can only be two reasons for my failure to meet anyone (my grandma just pointed out she was concerned when I hit 30 and was still single. So was I...). Either I'm very low scoring on the attraction front, or I'm just darned unlucky. As I have succeeded to attract many of the best women I've seen (in the days we were all available) that can't be right, it was just sabotage by others or myself which stopped them lasting or developing any further. But to tot up the points as any bookie would do, I'm 5'5'', which probably loses 60% of the field, add to that losing my hair, probably another 10%, leaving me with maybe 30% of women who may see me as a possible. Talents and personality do little to affect this, unless I spend months in a hotel playing the piano, which seemed to work for Dudley Moore. One factor I also know is a big turnoff (for no justifiable reason) is living at home with parents, which at least hasn't applied to me for a long time.

Mind you, had I been from a council estate or the like they all seem to pair off at around 16 alomost regardless of appearance, as there is little mentally or socially to distinguish one from another if all they're into is drinking, smoking and possibly petty crime. If you're a bit of an intellectual with strange interests it's going to be a conversation stopper for most women, who'd rather talk about clothes, hair and at worst have a bloke that hits them. Believe me, I may exaggerate for literary effect but behind the huge generalisations I've done my research. The more ordinary and conventional you are the easier it is to fit in with the masses of similar others. So if I'd have been unqualified, hard drinking, smoking working and spitting I probably would have had little interest in more than a decent looking woman prepared to cook my dinner and have sex on a regular basis. Of course, this still applies, but with added conversation, which eliminates most of the others. But I reckon I am still somehow destined to have missed out, and all these speculations may not have made any difference to my success. And I'm not interested in changing either. I like all the things that make me different, whatever the effects. I'd only get back to perfect health like most people would prefer, though I do come across disabled people who say they wouldn't want to be cured. But it takes all sorts...

Added to my other attempts I trawled Friends Reunited in case any of the class and quality females from the past were still single, but none were, and many were also abroad. Whatever stories you hear about that site nothing happened to me.
But I will accept that not being that bothered about going out as most people are is bound to get in the way, and I have done my best to compromise when I have been out with anyone female. How I feel about that depends on my health as well of course, but on top of everything else if I am having problems doing what most men do when they start dating that isn't going to be a lot of help either. But I did see a poem recently (which I cut out and instantly lost) where a woman said she wanted to meet a man so they could stay in together. I've been out to every possible event besides bungee jumping (though I did watch for a while wondering whether to try) and it's all been done before. I'm far happier now being with a few nice people as I was over the holidays, and just chilling out (what would I have said before such a dreadful phrase entered the language?) at home.

So here's the case for and against me, I tried not to leave any factor out and really can't think of any more elements that would handicap me compared to other men, the job factor seems to be both less important than others, and one I needn't reveal for ages as being 'self employed'(or technically unemployed) unless they follow me around for a few days wouldn't be able to tell. Plus few women I meet seem to mind when they do know. I reckon the fact I pay for them is far more important to them however I get it than if I earned a lot and didn't. Cupboard love has got to feature as well as status, and to me it's better to be well qualified and capable of doing clever stuff than stuck in the sort of job I did when I was at school for life. And maybe I judge myself more harshly here than anyone besides grandma, and she's only trying to help...

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